This is a blog for myself as much as it is for anyone reading. I struggle a ton with forgiveness, but I want to grow in it. So, here we are, together!
Forgiveness… It can be a heavy topic. A frustrating topic. A topic we often want to forget, shove under the rug and avoid. But no matter how we feel about it, the Lord calls us to do it.
For example in, but not limited to:
- Ephesians 4:32
- Colossians 3:13
- Matthew 6:14-15
- Mark 11:25
- Matthew 18:21-22
The Bible tells us to forgive others the way the He has forgiven us.
Judas turns Jesus over to the men who put him on the cross. Peter disowns Jesus claiming he doesn’t know him. Jesus is mocked and tortured on his final days leading up to the cross, yet he died saying, ‘‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
Man. Jesus was a dang pro at forgiveness, but we aren’t. So, let’s just start off by distinguishing the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation:
Forgiveness is the act of recognizing something that’s been eating at your heart and releasing it to your heavenly Father. Forgiveness is a gift He gives us, so our hearts can heal from past wounds. You don’t even have to tell the person you forgive them, it is just between you and the Lord. That’s not to say it isn’t hard. It is hard. And sometimes we aren’t ready for forgiveness yet. It takes time. It takes processing. It takes prayer. But I believe it is worth it and necessary for us to not lose the person God created us to be.
Reconciliation normally takes place after forgiveness. It is the restoration of a relationship. In order to work properly, it takes two people to put in effort. It takes an apology and forgiveness. It is also hard, and it can be messy.
God ALWAYS calls us to forgiveness, but I don’t believe He always calls us to reconcile with the people that we have forgiven. Sometimes people aren’t healthy for us, sometimes we won’t be ready for a long time, and sometimes reconciled relationships don’t look the same as they did before.
So, one step at a time. This blog is about forgiveness and only forgiveness.
If you’re anything like me, (strong headed and stubborn) forgiveness is HARD. Harder than it is to accept the fact that someone may have actually hurt you, so you just brush it off and keep going instead. If you can relate to this, you may have also noticed that the inability to forgive someone makes you extremely bitter. It hardens your heart. And it causes you to build walls so high that people just cannot get in anymore.
When you’re bitter, and your heart is hard, and your walls are high, it’s very difficult to be a vessel for the Lord. He doesn’t want to use you in a state like that. Following Jesus means living and walking like Jesus. It means loving like Jesus. We are supposed to resemble Jesus. When we walk around with a fenced-in heart wrapped in barbed wire, we live, walk and love nothing like Jesus. It changes how we connect with people and serve them. We become reserved and emotionally absent.
My squad attends a church in Jeffrey’s Bay, SA called Father’s House Church (we love it). A few weekends ago the pastor said something along the lines of: Don’t change who you are because someone in your life wasn’t who they were supposed to be. They’re the ones who need to work through things. It’s not on your shoulders.
Odds are you’ve been betrayed, embarrassed, heartbroken, lied to, etc. by someone close to you. It happens all the time. Too many times. But sinning is inevitable because we’re born with a sinful flesh. Their sin isn’t on your shoulders, but how you react to it is. So, forgive them. Forgive the girl who called you annoying in 3rdgrade. Forgive the friend who gossiped about you in middle school. Forgive the boy that broke your heart. Forgive your parents who never made an effort. Forgive them.
When we don’t choose to forgive, we are telling the Savior of the world that dying on the cross wasn’t enough… (read that statement again if you didn’t get the seriousness of it the first time).
I think it is easy to think you’ve forgiven someone. But, if whatever they did or said or didn’t do or didn’t say still affects you, that’s not true forgiveness. And because our God is so good, He wants us to experience true forgiveness. He wants us to experience the freedom of the weight being lifted off of our shoulders! So, I’m just going to leave you with an activation that I’ve been working through. Identify who the Lord is calling you to forgive and walk through whatever that looks like for you with Him. Do whatever you need to do to experience the freedom that forgiveness offers us.
Lord, I thank you for the gift of forgiveness. I pray you will lead me to forgiveness in my life. I pray you will soften my heart and break down the walls I have built. I know that forgiveness is between you and I, so I give it all to you. All the past wounds that dug too deep, all the people I am bitter towards, all the words spoken over me that I didn’t think I could ever forget. I ask that you heal my heart from it all, so that it is completely healthy for you to use for your will. So that you can mold it to look more like Jesus’ heart. I love you and I surrender my life to you. In your name I pray, amen.
