I wrote this blog the other night as my mind was racing with thoughts. I heard the Lord tell me that He just wanted me to write down what I was feeling, and this is what I wrote. I am in a season on the race where I have no idea what I am doing. But even though I don’t know what I’m doing, the Lord is still good. He is trustworthy and still uses me. He tells me to trust in Him, that it’s his job after all.
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As I lay in bed right now thinking what on earth it is that God wants me to write, I keep thinking to myself, “what will it be? What will I write?” And the answer is, I don’t know.
I don’t know what it is that God wants me to write about. Actually, more than 50% of the time I have no clue what God wants me to talk about. But one of my goals for 2019 is to write more. I want to write more because I genuinely love the feeling of writing (it brings me joy!) and because I also want to explore. I want to taste more. I want to live a little more. I want to step out and just soar. Soar into freedom, and whatever that may be.
May be it’s me writing a blog post that only 5 people read— cool! May be it’s me cutting my hair off randomly because the Lord told me too. Oh wait, I did that already! Cutting my hair off was so freeing because I let my hair down. I let my curls loose, and I let the wind blow them and kiss my cheeks. I let my skin breathe. I let my guard down. Slowly but surely, I am learning to stand up and use my wings.
Do you remember when you were young and thought angels had wings? Sometimes I think they still do. Actually, in college I joined a sorority, Pi Beta Phi, some of you may know it. Our official symbol is an arrow, but unofficially we also have wings. No one really knows why the early sisters thought of an angel, but I like to think it’s because the sisterhood gave them a sense of freedom. A place to fly and soar. A time to taste liberty when it was a society dominated by patriarchy.
I think of these wings, and how I must have them. These invisible wings that God gave me (like his angels) that he wants me to use. To actually stand up, and just take a step and let the wind do the rest.
If I have wings, than obviously I was made to fly, right?
I mean, I don’t know how to do it, but I will never know if I don’t try. So maybe, I’ll stand up, shake off the dust, and stretch them out. Feel them. Step out and go.
Just go where the wind takes me. Go where God takes me.
No matter what it looks like.
