It has now been about two months since I’ve officially signed on for the adventure of a lifetime, and I’ve gotta say with the overload of stress that came with this decision, I think I’ve been keeping my cool… (laughs as I have a mini panic attack).
Quick update before I jump into this blog. I’m about 20% funded, which is insane!! I want to say a HUGE thank you to all of the people who have donated to my race fund thus far. You have no idea what your generous contributions mean to me! Having people reach out with their encouragement and support has been so uplifting and moving. I’m already an emotional one, so I seriously sob every time somebody donates haha.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
This mission would be impossible without you, so thank you for joining me, and believing in me and this organization.
So, today I want to get into something that has been weighing on me and that’s why I am becoming a missionary. There have been multiple occasions where people question why I’m doing this, or wonder why I’m not living, (what i assume) a “normal” 26 year old lifestyle. You know, settling down with somebody, starting a family, saving for X,Y and Z, or why I seem to be running away from my problems and not settling here in the United States. Well the answer is simple..
Because I’m not settling.
I have always felt a desire to do more, be more, but haven’t found the right opportunities or outlets to really let those desires be expressed. Sure, I go to church, I’ll volunteer on occasion, I try to be nice to others and recycle my trash.. Yay me. But I’ve always felt slightly.. guilty that I haven’t been living my life to its fullest potential, or really going out and following God’s call for me, in a reckless abandon sort of way. It’s always been an,
“Ok God I hear you, but no.. I’m going to do this first,”
or
“Sure that sounds nice, but I’ll never be able to actually do that.. Don’t you know me?”
I’ve let fear, guilt and pride eat away at me and hold me back from seeking out a burning passion inside of me for far too long.
Let’s just be real and cut to the chase – I have no idea what I’m doing. But do any of us really?
Jesus’ last commandment to His disciples was, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28: 19-20)
This is one of the famous verses that comes up when anybody goes to study the great commission. So naturally I’ve read it a hundred times and I think I’m just now starting to pick it apart and understand. Jesus gives a huge commandment.. A commandment of movement, of eagerness, to not be passive. We do not worship a weak or lame God. Our God does not sit in passivity, nor does He want that for His people. But let’s be honest, if the Bible is true and God calls each of us to spread His love to all nations.. What a huge undertaking.. How?
That’s why I love the end of the verse so much.. I assume the disciples are sitting there with heavy chests full of anxiety thinking to themselves,
“Okay God.. How? And why? And no.”
And then He says, but wait! Do not be afraid.. Do not doubt, don’t let shame or pride or guilt stop you, for I am with you.. Not for today, or just this week..
But to the end of the age. Ahh big sigh of relief.
Most days of my life I forget that. I’m so wrapped up on the should’s or how’s or why’s, I let my anxieties and fears of the future cloud my judgment, and I forget all I am capable of doing.. Not on my own, never.. But with God.
This world is full of evil seeking to kill, steal and destroy. God calls us to spread His love and His glory to all nations and all peoples, no matter how big or small or difficult it may seem.
Let’s be clear, I’m not going on vacation.. I’m not traveling and backpacking the world so that I can scratch off a bucket list item, or be a super cool hipster with a vlog and get a million followers on Instagram.
That’s not the point. Of any of this. I’m going to stretch myself and lean into this passion I’ve felt my whole life. I’m going into the cities and slums and rural areas of the world to see that love overcomes all, that God is bigger than the evil of the world and that together we can show people there is a better way to live, and to have hope and peace.
I don’t know how any of this is going to turn out. I don’t know how I’m going to fundraise 18 thousand dollars in 6 months. I don’t know how I’m going to travel and speak to the lost and broken people of the world without getting emotionally invested in each and every one of them.
I don’t know anything.
But what I do know, what I’m sure of, is that God does know. What comfort I find in knowing that He is so much more capable than I am and that I don’t have to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.
I heard this song in church the other weekend and it keeps popping up in my head:
I will look back and see that you are faithful. I look ahead believing you are able.
This part of the song rings so true to me right now. I feel like I can look back at all of the things I’ve done in my life, good and bad, and know without a doubt God was moving in me all those times. Through bad breakups and stress in school, to being unsure of the future and in myself – God was faithful. Because of His promises and assuredness I know that He is able.
I have absolutely nothing to lose, but so much to gain. I’m going to lean into all that God has to offer me in this next phase of my life and love God and God’s people with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my strength and with all my mind. This time of my life is not a time to sit around and be passive. This is the time to be eager and move. This is a time to
Love God. Love People.
