Hi, my name’s Juliana and I struggle with FOMO.
My theory is, I’m not the only one who suffer’s with the Fear of Missing Out. This illogical fear plays out in a number of ways.. They have the new iPhone.. They’re at the beach in Mexico.. Her boyfriend proposed and I’ll be single forever.. He’s eating a Chipotle burrito.. a smothered Chipotle burrito. (Let’s be honest, that’s my true FOMO these days.)
The world we live it basically encourages us to have anxiety about all the things we don’t have and then makes us feel really crappy when we realize our iPhone 6 doesn’t take great photos like iPhone 7 does or the 8, or the new iPhone X that society is now telling us we have to have… first world problems amirite?
I’ll admit I’ve been struggling with FOMO a lot recently and wondering what God’s will is for my life. Questions like, Should I stay abroad and work? Should I plant roots back home in my community? Should I go back to school? Should I drink a black coffee or have a latte? Jk.. always black coffee, duh.
The problem with FOMO and deciphering God’s will comes from the paradox of choice. There are just too many things to choose from which leaves us feeling like we’re missing out, missing the mark, or worst of all, missing God’s will for our life. Instead of only having one pizza option, we have 60 new styles, crusts and toppings and we can’t make a decision. But when we finally do order and take a bite of our super deluxe pan-fried Hawaiian pizza, the waiter walks but carrying a double decker macho cheesy “should-have-ordered-this” pizza, and you’re left with buyers remorse… over pizza.
Now I’m talking about pizza, because I’ve been eating white rice for two months straight, but plug in any worldly thing with “pizza” and ta-da, the paradox of choice. The amount of things to choose from in our lives is totally destroying our decision making abilities and creating a new fear that the grass is always greener anywhere else besides where we are now. Let’s just cut to the chase – that’s a horrible way to live life!
The good news in all of this is that we can’t mess up God’s will. (Big sigh of relief.) This might be a shock, but we aren’t going to surprise God by any of our decisions. He’s not sitting up wherever He is thinking, dang she’s going on a date with him!? I did NOT see that coming. God gave us free will because firstly, He loves us and because He wants us to be a part of the decisions in our lives. As long as our choices align with scripture and point back to Him, He wants us to go for it! I really believe God wants us to run after our goals and dreams, kick down some doors and chase after our passions. That’s why He created them!
FOMO and the paradox of choice are not part of God’s will for our lives. He doesn’t want us wallowing around with indecision, too scared to make a choice because it might be the wrong one. The reality is we will always have to give something up. And yes, I just shuddered as I wrote that. But the problem is believing that giving something up also means we are missing out on something. That’s not true. Most of the time our brains are so scattered by the want of something that when we are actually in the moment and finally have what we thought we always wanted, let’s be honest, it’s a letdown or we just totally take it for granted. We settle for quantity over quality. We want more of something but actually end up with less in the end. Living in a world with a million choices, coupled with a fear of missing out or making the wrong choice, sets us up to live in fear and imprisonment. This fear leaves us never fully investing our talents and passions into one relationship, job or place because we live with FOMO believing we aren’t experiencing the best the world has to offer.
The truth is, we have the power to choose what we take from this world. We have free will to align our lives with what God says is true, right and good and live. A life lived in full abandonment to the grace of Jesus and joy breaks us free from our imprisonment – it allows us to fully invest in the things around us.
Truthfully, as I write this I remember feeling frustrated by these same thoughts. Why can’t I have it all? I’m not going to settle. Ever. But that’s not the right mindset. It’s not settling. It’s not a life of less – it’s a life of more. When we make decisions that are aligned with our God-given passions, our lives are filled with so much more purpose. We are able to break the cycle of believing that our fulfillment comes from obtaining more from things of the world. Things of the world fill us with momentary happiness that leave us feeling more empty after than we did before. Living a life apart from the world is where true fulfillment comes from.
Okay, so now how do we live a life apart from the world when in reality we want things from the world and we sometimes need those things too. I’ll be honest with you, I want a good job. I want to be financially stable. I want to be married and travel the world with my husband.. and shoot I want him to be really attractive too! (No shame – I’m free from shame.) Those “wants” aren’t bad things to have. In fact, I believe God wants to fulfill those desires of mine! (Especially the hot husband part.)
God gets excited to answer those prayers! The Bible says “Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4) and “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33)
I love these verses. I love them because selfishly it shows me that God doesn’t just hear the prayers of things I want, but He also wants to give me those desires, too! God isn’t trying to keep us away from fun things or to trick us into giving up all our worldly possessions. He doesn’t want us to struggle paycheck to paycheck and wind up being an old cat dog lady who is forever alone. No. God wants us to have an abundant life. He doesn’t withhold his promises from us. He graciously gives us the desires of our hearts when we seek His Kingdom. Hear me. The world steals, kills and destroys. Not God. The world steals our focus, kills our dreams and destroy’s the talents that God desires us to be using elsewhere. God wants to restore, fulfill, and give us every desire of our heart.
When I look at “seeking the Kingdom”, it sounds really biblical and far-fetched. I’m a person that needs practical modern application to the ‘Christianese’ lingo of the Bible. So what’s a practical way to “seek” God’s kingdom? Well, God commands us to do two things, love Him and love people.
God calls us to Love.
When I think about the times I’ve been in love or how I act when I’m with people I love, I want to spend time with them. I want to hear their thoughts and dreams and work on building them up. That’s what God wants for our relationship with Him, too. To “love God” means to spend time with Him. He wants us to pray continually and talk to Him about our passions and frustrations and dreams. He wants us to read the Bible and see what His Word has to say. He wants us to know His voice and know His character. When we understand who God is and why we love Him and, more importantly, why He loves us, we are less likely to become distracted by the lies of the world.
The second is to love people. I see that simply as seeing a need and meeting a need. We are called to be more servant-hearted, to listen to others, to give what we can when we can. I recently read a book by Bob Goff called, “Love Does”. Goff simply says that love isn’t stationary – it’s radical and moving. Love gets up off the couch and does something; it moves towards something. Love chases people down and is relentless. When we choose to love God through prayer and scripture and love people through relentless selfless pursuit of doing more for them and less for ourselves, I believe that is seeking the Kingdom of God.
I want my focus to be on the Kingdom, not the grass on the other side of the fence. Not on the hundreds of fall spiced latte options at Starbucks, but on God, on His people, and on love. When I do that, I know the desires of my heart will be met. And while I know one of those unicorn frappuccino’s might be nice, I’ll just stick to my cup of black coffee and know I’m exactly where I’m suppose to be.
