It’s funny how the Lord works. Going into this trip I was asked often “What is your biggest fear?” I honestly couldn’t think of anything. So I asked the Lord “what am I afraid of?” I didn’t get a response tell this morning March 10, 2019 5:30 am. I woke up from a nightmare that shook me, which happen often. Throughout this trip I have been seeing God answer this question. I have come to realize that I have been walking in faith but holding fear. I was so close to my fear I couldn’t see it anymore. I couldn’t see the fear that was right in front of me. I knew that I was fearful of the unknown; However, I walked in it with faith because I knew my fear, and gave it to the Lord. I always prayed “Lord I don’t know what this looks like but walk with me through it.” But the fear that I was still holding on to was still controlling me because I didn’t know it was there. I was blind. It’s like when you go to grab something and it’s right in front of your face and you can’t see it, however your friend (Jesus) can. Yeah, that’s a rough moment. Anyways, my biggest fear is the fear of being alone, feeling alone, living alone, working alone, just alone. I do know where it comes from, There are moments in my childhood where I was alone and had no one to talk to. These moments are so far back in my story I hardly remember them but the feeling is still there. I still remember feeling alone. Now that I know my biggest fear I can bring it to my Father in heaven, and see what he says about my fear. The Lord says in Isiah 41: 10 “Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” The Lord made this promise to me and WILL keep it till the very end. He is with me at all time, Abba Father. Feeling my chains breaking and the vale being lifted through the day was amazing! I felt my self again! The people the Lord always wanted me to be. I’m not perfect and I’m never going to be but I’m the best person I can be at this moment. The Lord is good in every area of my life! It’s been such a journey and a privilege to walk these moments with him!
