Its kind of ironic that today is the day that I decided to start my blog. Honestly, ever since applying for the World Race, today may be the most discouraged I have been. I know that God stirred in my heart the call to take on this mission. As my good friend and big brother Jeremy Wood says, “The devil isn’t going to tell you to go on a mission trip!”.
But he definitely will try and stop it from happening.
Ever since I made the decision to follow Christ’s call on my life and pursue ministry, things have been very (to quote my friend Katie) “interesting”. I’ve begun brand new relationships with fantastic friends who are loving, encouraging, and true Godsends in my life. I absolutely love telling people what the next year of my life is going to look like. I’ve also been met with more trouble than seems reasonable…specifically when it comes to this trip.
As I write this, today was the day I was going to send out all of my fund raising letters. It took a lot for me to find out how to put into words exactly all that has brought me to this point in the past year. I find myself ready to leave everything I find comforting and safe to jump off into a year of service that promises to be anything but comfortable or secure. When God did shape those words (with the help of some amazing friends of mine) I went down to the post office and purchased enough stamps to send these words across the United States, ready to officially declare to everyone what my mission in this World Race is and invite them to share in all God wants to do with me. As I woke this morning, those stamps are nowhere to be found. I turned my apartment and my car inside out to find them. All I came up with was the receipt from the purchase. That moment of announcement and declaration that I was so happy to realize was gone.
I know what you may be thinking, “It’s just some stamps!” right? Which is true. Combined with 10 other things that just seem to be eating away at my sense of patience, financial stability and faith, those stamps were absolutely huge for me.
Six months ago, in this same situation I would have scoffed at such a small thing and told the enemy straight up how nothing was going to stop the glory that God meant for this week and this entire process. I can almost hear the voices of those in my LifeGroup back in Scottsdale and my Small Group here in Thousand Oaks encouraging me with love and affection that I still can’t believe ever runs out.
However, tonight I find myself doubting. Doubting how all of this is really going to happen. How I am going to meet my goals for this trip and really be able to undertake everything God has for me without losing my mind. I know this is a time to be stretched: To learn how to trust more, pray without ceasing, and have faith for BIG things. I just really needed this little thing to keep me going.
I ask that you say a prayer for me. No, not about the stamps (although that seriously gets to me) but for my faith. I won’t see the goodness of the Lord if I don’t trust in it first. I can’t change the world if I don’t believe God wants to use me to actually do it.
So God, bear with me as I stumble toward your grace even in my weakness. I ask you to give me the heart to have faith in the most inconvenient and murky times, and the strength to do what you created me to do.
Stay blessed,
Julian J. Williams
