David was a dude I could click with.
He was a man anointed for so much but often found himself stumbling, questioning, and at times even disobeying his divine appointment. But the one thing that never tripped him up was how to come to his Heavenly Father. In an age before the “personalization” of the relationship between God and his creation was widely realized, David was never ashamed to come full bore the throne of God and ask for clarity, blessing, and even pleading for answers. This is one of things that I believe truly points to his being a “man after God’s own heart”. He desperately wanted to know God in such a way that removed all separation; He strove his entire life for a true father-son relationship with God. Like so many sons, He admiring God and wanted to be just like Him. David also dealt with the consequences of disobeying God and striving to get back to that place of approval and “beloved son” again.
Today is most definitely a Psalm 13 day. I don’t know that I have ever really noticed what this short Psalm really entailed, but I find it resonating in lockstep with my heart this afternoon.
1O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
This was my heart a couple of weeks ago. Lost, discouraged, and definitely a little annoyed. I was honestly feeling forgotten by God. I continue to see so many amazing stories about what God is doing in the lives of other believers and for me, it left me asking, “What about me? I’m stepping out in faith. I’m following you no matter what. I’m seeking your face daily. I’ve committed my life to service in your name…. did you forget me?”
3 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.
This sounds a lot more like my inner dialogue these days. I continue to find myself waiting for that answer. Just like David, I want it so badly it consumes me. I feel as if God doesn’t give me deliverance, how am I supposed to function? He is the one who wants me to do this. He told me to trust in His plan. He knows my struggles and the doubt that attacks me everyday. It’s as if I can hear the naysayers, the ones who I have spoken to and encouraged about the goodness of God, and those who doubt the existence of a loving Heavenly Father gloating because of my trouble.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
6 I will sing to the Lord
because he is good to me.
This final part of Psalm 13, this is what separates David from the rest. Trusting his Father, above all else. In the most inconvenient of times, when the last thing feels like doing is trusting, he chooses to rejoice. He sings. Without peace for his heartache and without conclusion to his anguish, this dude sings.
Why? Because God is good to him. Though he doesn’t feel it at the time, he knows it in his bones. I am grasping at that kind of audacity right now. You see, David wanted more than anything to know God. More than he wanted answers, more than he wanted deliverance from his enemies, more than he wanted to live. I have been delivered before. On too many occasions to count, God has been flagrantly good to me. I feel like I am being asked, “What do you want more?”
I guess when you ask for unbound faith and to be a man after God’s own heart, you tend to be given the chance to actually walk it out.
So God, restore the strength I need to act differently from how I feel and to follow you when it is inconvenient; to be a man relentless after your own heart.
