A couple weeks ago I tried to go on a fast. I had several reasons for doing it but mostly because I wanted to prove to myself that my stomach was not my idol(it is very easy to put food before God. If you don’t believe me, try to fast and see how much you think about food). So I decided to go on a 3 day fast and discipline myself. Every time I felt hungry I would feed myself on the Word of God(Bible). I ended up not making it. I had made up excuses like: “I don’t want to be weak for ministry” or “God didn’t specifically tell me to fast.” I went five meals without eating.
It is hard going on this “World Race” and being used to eating foods you love or even crave, then not having them. The enemy uses images of food against me, especially in times of fasting. I see a cold coca-cola and have to have it. It comes down to the condition of self-control. I started to pray, “God, teach me to live of what I need and only what You give me.”
I have recently been struggling with community living. I feel myself wanting to spend a lot of time by myself. I sometimes get to a point of having feelings of bitterness and just want everyone to leave me alone. I realize that it is not from God and I immediately try to fight it and cast out the spirit of bitterness. I am fighting all these crazy feelings because I know they are from the enemy who is just trying to hinder the spread of the Gospel and my growth in the Lord.
I made a list of all the things that God is teaching me in this month/season of my life. 1) Receiving blessings, 2)To have faith that God is always with me and always at work even though I sometimes don’t feel Him near, 3) Endurance in ministry (to keep going even when I’m tired or don’t feel like speaking.) He is my strength and my energy, 4) To be thankful in all things and all times, 5) Obedience to Him no matter if I feel like it or not (I must humble myself for His Glory.)
6) Trusting that God is going to take care of me and guide me and that He is going to take care of my family, 7) Prayer – that my lifestyle to be constant prayer, 8) Giving out of love not guilt, 9) Loving others more than I love myself, 10) fasting as an act of discipline and to check the posture of my heart.
All these things are the things that God is teaching me or has taught me. They are things I still struggle with. I realize more and more that God’s grace is abounding. I can be very hard on myself when I fall short. The thing is, We All Fall Short. God’s Love, Grace, and Patience is greater than anything. He is always fighting for me. God is so good and has brought me to a place of peace. I am growing stonger in the faith everyday. All praise, Glory, and honor be to God Almighty!! Jesus is Lord!!!
