Spiritual attack and spiritual numbness can sometimes feel very similar. The attack, however, can literally make you feel like you are going insane. It can be rooted in one thing and lie to you in every area of your life.
The most common place for me that the enemy attacks is my spiritual passion and fervor for Christ. I hear things like; “your not in a good mood, so you aren’t full of joy, so you aren’t on fire for God.” Probably the hardest thing I have been told so far in my walk with God is that I am on fire. Why? It sounds weird for me to say that because that sounds like a compliment. It is. Since when I first heard it to now, it has left an expectation in my relationship with God.
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The expectation is two fold. One, that I MUST be on fire, and two, that being on fire looks a certain way. I have just come to realize that being on fire can look completely different than what I’m used to. I’m used to being full of passion, jumping, dancing, singing, and shouting for Jesus. People that got to know this side of me would often use the word Joyful to describe me. So you can see how an expectation has been built up in my mind.
Often times during my attacks the enemy puts seeds of doubt in my mind about God. Also, he uses the fact that I have a tendency to feel guilty to make me feel like a wretched sinner. These lies and the feelings from these lies get me into a place of confusion and isolation. When I should be calling it out to my team, I shut down and retreat to be by myself to fight these thoughts and pray. This only makes me have to fight even harder because I’m vulnerable when I’m alone.
God has spoken truth in these areas of my life. First thing is that I need to speak truth into these lies. I need to capture the thought that is holding me captive with words and cast it down. I also need to share what is going on in my mind with my team. He has shown me that pain may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5).
I’m still young in the faith and spiritual attacks are all brand new to me. I am learning how to fight as I go and God has given me the truth, strength, and power to fight and win every time. I also believe that God is helping me break through the expectations that I have had with my relationship with Him. I woke up the morning after the spiritual attacks singing a new song! I was full of joy and praise. I am beginning to enjoy being attacked because it not only shows that I am fit for the Gospel, but I also love when my God shows up and rescues me then fills me with complete joy.
