Living in constant community has been super tough at times. Yet, I’ve had more spiritual growth and have gained more self-awareness this year than in my past 22 combined.
A lot of credit for this positive change is due to feedback.
Feedback is the way world racers have managed to have healthy communication on the field.
It’s speaking the truth in love just like Ephesians 4:15 instructs.
It’s calling your brothers and sisters in Christ “higher.”
No one has reached Jesus status, which means everyone can grow in Christ-likeness.
Feedback is centered on growth.
You say the dang thing, so that someone can become a better representation of Christ. You don’t say it to make yourself feel better, or to make another person feel bad!
It’s geared towards encouraging and uplifting the body of Christ.
It’s a way to avoid fake or perceived peace in a community.
Forcing yourself to deal with any tension or awkwardness in relationships when it arises is wise.
It’s being honest even if the truth is hard to swallow.
Often our character flaws are blatantly obvious to those around us, while we ourselves are blind to the issue.
It’s pretty similar to walking around town with something in your teeth. Others see it, but often fail to tell you it’s there.
Giving hard feedback to those we care for is like telling them they have something stuck in their teeth. You’re loving them well by shedding light on the subject.
A voice of honesty in their life could even be sparing them from future troubles. So failing to say the hard thing is often doing someone a disservice.
Say for example, Joe lives his whole life rudely shutting down other people’s ideas. It’s left him with few close friends at the age of 80, and he can’t understand why. If someone had pointed out this blind spot to him at age 15, his personal life might have taken a very different shape.
With that being said, people have to choose if they want to pursue growth. Our responsibility is simply to speak the truth in love when God gives us the eyes to see the issue.
Our squad has really had to work on giving feedback throughout the race. It’s something we’ve had to practice regularly and learn through failure.
I’m still not a pro (nowhere close), but I’ve seen such fruit come from being intentional about giving feedback.
The model we’ve been given to follow while sharing feedback is:
1. Observation – tell what you’ve noticed, speak life into the person and praise the character you know they have
2. Example – share a specific example of the issue
3. Suggestion – give a specific challenge of how they can be more like Christ
All feedback should be encouraging, and some feedback can be constructive.
Feedback should not be like getting hit in the back with a ping pong ball. They’re so light that it may not make a mark or even be noticed.
Feedback should be like getting hit in the back with a tennis ball. It comes as a bit of a surprise, and you can feel its hit without getting badly hurt.
Feedback should not be like getting hit in the back with a bowling ball. It crashes into you out of nowhere, and leaves behind confusion and serious pain. Bowling balls are crushing.
I’ve been guilty on the race of sugarcoating feedback so that all I’m throwing is a measly little ping pong ball at my teammate. Often it’s failed to draw attention to the issue I’ve seen. On the other hand, I’ve gotten hit with some bowling ball feedback on the race that didn’t feel encouraging at all. Neither are what you want!
An important piece of the feedback process we have learned is recieving it. For the world race, we have been taught to recieve any feedback with a simple ”thank you“. A thank you for that person loving you enough to say the hard thing. Not a rebuttal, an excuse, or a clarification on your end. Saying “thank you” and taking their words with humility has taught me self discipline. Bringing the feedback before the Lord will show you if the feedback given is a big blind spot or just somewhere you can make a 1 degree shift in behavior or perspective.
Friends and fam, I can’t tell you how much I’ve learned after people have loved me enough to be honest with me. In the past my tendency was to pretend everything was all fine and dandy and push tension or awkwardness under the rug.
It takes a lot of boldness to speak up and say the dang thing. It takes praying about something and depending on God to help you deliver it with love. Then it takes a whole lot of humility and being slow to speak to take tough feedback with grace and an open mind.
My encouragement for you today is that you might ask the Lord to show you how you could apply this concept of feedback (or something like it) to the relationships in your life.
Over and out,
Julia
