Help me want the Healer more than the healing.

Help me want you Jesus, more than anything.

At the beginning of this month, as I was going through a couple different physical struggles, the Lord gave me this song titled, “More Than Anything” by Natalie Grant.

It’s pretty much my prayer and melody right now as I battle extreme pain and discomfort.

The past two days in the Hospital have been quite rough. I have had trouble breathing (whether real or imagined) and have felt hallucinating side effects.

I’ve been desperate for relief from pain, then have gotten nauseas to the point of throwing up when given stronger meds. God why can’t you take this pain from me, or at least help them figure out what medicine to give me?

I feel so helpless lying here in bed. All I want to do is roll on my side and cuddle the pillow and covers. No part of me wants to continue to stay flat on my back!

How can I go from so hopeful one day to so devastated the next? I’ve graduated from a bed pan to going to the bathroom on my own haven’t I?

I feel like the baby crying outside my room. But I don’t even have the energy to cry. And crying hurts. Bad.

So I keep listening to this song and asking God for help. I know He’s here with me.

Dear Lord I pray that I will want you more than anything you can do for me. I pray that my eyes will be fixed on you during this trial. Help me be desperate for the Comforter more than the comfort. Help me long for you as Healer more than I long for you to heal my body. Please Lord increase my faith and guide me to get to this place of wanting You more than anything else.

“I know if You wanted to You could wave Your hand
Spare me this heartache, and change Your plan
And I know any second You could take my pain away
But even if You don’t, I pray

Help me want the Healer
More than the healing
Help me want the Saviour
More than the saving
Help me want the Giver
More than the giving
Oh help me want You Jesus
More than anything

You know more than anyone that my flesh is weak
And You know I’d give anything for a remedy
And I’ll ask a thousand more times to set me free today
Oh but even if You don’t, I pray

Help me want the Healer
More than the healing
Help me want the Saviour
More than the saving
Help me want the Giver
More than the giving
Oh help me want You Jesus
More than anything

When I’m desperate and my heart’s overcome
All that I need, You’ve already done
When I’m desperate and my heart’s overcome
All that I need, You’ve already done
Oh Jesus
Help me want You more, than anything”

 

Over and ouf,

 

Julia