i’ve now been back in the states for two weeks. of those two weeks, 4 of those days were spent in georgia, 3 in prescott, and 7 in oshkosh. i think throughout all three months of being gone, and on our squad we had constant conversations about “how the heck am i going to adjust to being back home?” or “yeah, i cannot imagine life without seeing you every single day”. but that’s now reality, its been two weeks since i’ve seen the 14 other people that i spent 3 months with, pretty much 24/7.
and it hasn’t been the easiest thing.
but it also hasn’t been the hardest thing.
a lot of my close friends have spent time asking me intentional questions about my time in Ecuador and wanting to hear how I’ve grown and the experiences I’ve had. but they’ve also asked how it is re-adjusting to being back in the states. and i’ve realized that there are things I’ve been processing that some people don’t realize would even be something to process.
i feel privileged.
i feel privileged because I live somewhere where everyone understands my language. i don’t have to try. in Ecuador, kids learn english in school as a requirement. our last week there, we worked with the ministry CRU in schools. we participated in their zoom classes, and shared curriculum that CRU has designed to help share about Jesus. it ended up being a mixture of our spanish and their english, and it was really cool. but in the states, i dont have to put in any effort to be heard, or seen or known as a person because everyone speaks english.
i feel privileged because i dont have to worry about which places have clean drinking water. i dont have to second guess if i’m going to get a parasite from the water i washed my food with or filled my water bottle with.
i feel lonely.
i feel lonely because i’ve been gone for three months. groups have formed and friendships have been made. and I’m not part of them. it was really hard coming back to oshkosh and realizing I didn’t know how I fit in anymore.
i feel lonely because my squad is spread across the whole country. nobody in wisconsin knows the girls I spent three whole months with.
i feel lonely because a lot of people ask questions about my time in Ecuador, but not everyone wants to listen to all of it.
the first week that I was back, I sat pretty heavily in these thoughts and feelings. I struggled and only wanted to go back to ecaudor. but i’ve learned how important it is to sit with those feelings and sit with the Lord in them. remembering how much i’ve grown in the last three months and the tools that i’ve found to put in my toolbox, I realized that I needed to get out of the negative place.
it’s definitely not easy being back in the states, but it’s also really beautiful. everything that i’ve spent the last three months practicing, (quiet time, boundaries, learning my worth, etc.) is finally being able to be brought into my life back home. its a challenge for me to learn what it looks like to fight for myself and the person I want to be.
i feel excited.
i feel excited because I get to share all the amazing things i’ve experienced in the way God works. I get to see my friends that I havent seen in three months.
i feel blessed.
i feel blessed because the Lord has insanely provided for me throughout my entire life. because of that, I get to in turn bless others, pray for them, serve in ways that my eyes were blind to. i feel blessed because of technology. i can (and have) been able to talk to my friends from ecaudor every day since we’ve been back.
i feel hopeful.
i feel hopeful because of the future. i learned a lot about how to hope in the Lord after we were robbed about two months ago. it’s fun and exciting to hope with the Lord because He provides. to wait in expectancy and see where He’s leading me is so fun. It’s fun to hope and plan for the future with friends, family, my campus ministry.
thank you all for your continued prayers as i continue to learn what it looks like to re-enter the states. it’s been so so good to talk with friends, and hug them and just laugh with them. I appreciate you all.
xoxo,
julia
