I continued to try to be myself throughout each day and I began to open up slowly. I don't think this was any surprise. In fact, I think it was an intentional process that Adventures in Missions put in place so that I would be broken free of my insecurites so that I could be built up and loved by others. I started to find more similarities with others in our squad which allowed me to be secure in knowing that I can relate with others. Nothing else mattered. We are followers of christ..therefore our bond was strong.
Dance parties started happening after the second day. Dancing has always been something that I love doing. It brings me out of any shell that I am in, I am able to truly be me and let go. Each dance party allowed me to open up each time. I came in closed off and reserved and mad at myself because I wasn't being me. I love people and I love life and love having fun. My arms started to loosen up and my confidence was rebuilding. I found that being me was when I was able to connect more. I wasnt' trying to be someone else or scared of being me. I was free. My squad mates started to recognized that Julia likes to dance and have fun. It was something that people could see that I like to bring joy and laughter to people. I like to be real but embrace life to the fullest.
So my training camp moment……
Friday morning. 7am. 40 degrees outside. Dark. How do we entertain ourselves?? of course, DANCE PARTY! We cranked the music and started dancing. I started dancing and my squad members started to say my name and notice me dancing. I wasn't overlooked. People liked me. Someone suggested we have some crowd surf. People said JULIA!! That was when I felt accepted and known. As they put me up on their hands, I was able to fully trust my squad, in fact I had my arms wide open, completely myself.
So I started camp reserved, quiet, ashamed of who I was because I wasn't like everyone else. At the end of the week I was free and was not being anyone but myself. I am confident in knowing that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made" and God has a plan for me and God hasn't put me here by accident and that it all apart of his plan and direction for my life. I can make a difference. I can bring love and laughter, joy and dance. I can be free to be me. I am so thankful for my crowd surfing moment. It has truly made me who I am in this world race. I want to crowd surf. I want to be free. I want to have my hands lifted high. I want to trust those who are with me. I know that God is in control and he has placed our squad together and formed us into a close knit group. I am safe. I can be free to live. I can be free to DANCE!
