I didn’t get a chance to post this blog before my departure….
“So Goo Goo (aunt in chinese), only 2 more sleeps before your trip” my niece Angell asks me. I hold my tears and mutter “yes, 2 more sleeps”. A bit of silence follows as I can tell she is processing. It is past her bedtime and we are trying to get her to sleep. “I’m not tired” she protests fatiguely, her little eyes are red and the look on her face tells me she is tired. “We will play again tomorrow” I say to her trying to sound happy. “No Googoo, I’m not tired”, if i go to sleep, then there is one less day to see you”. She catches me off guard with her witty reply. The lump in my throat grows a bit more as I try to find something soothing to say. I come up with nothing. So I hug and squeeze her tight close to me trying to not let her see my tears. She looks at me & sees me crying but she is a trooper. Our eyes lock and i thought my tears would spark her tears. Instead she doesn’t cry and takes my hand and asks me to watch tv with her. We watch tv for a bit and she finally drinks her milk and reluctantly goes to sleep. That will be a lasting memory for me bc that was the moment when the pain hit me that i will miss 1 year of her and Meghan’s life. All our silly moments, giggles, witty responses.
The next day, I see my mom working so hard in the kitchen – preparing a whole lot of my favourite dishes. The lump in my throat grows again. Lunch becomes harder and harder to eat as my emotions swell up faster than I could control them. In the midst of mom telling me a story about her shopping experience, tears stream down my face., overwhelmed by her unconditional love for me. I think i must have startled her because she asked what was wrong and why i was crying. I couldn’t even muster an answer and she knew, like a mother would know. I won’t forget that moment either because that was when it hit me what motherly unconditional love is about. I wondered if I was causing them worry and grief over the next year and more tears flowed.
Then I turned to Jesus and asked for guidance. I found peace. Sometimes following Jesus means we leave behind those dearest to us. This week I understood what that really feels like. Please keep my family in prayer that the Lord will work in their hearts and that they will be able to find peace and comfort in my absence.
