Before coming to the World Race, i had assumed that it would be mostly about ministry and reaching out to people. I am now realizing a majority of this experience for me so far is about how to live in true community. Sometimes you will encounter people you don’t get along with or even like but to love on them requires committment and God’s love. You will never be able to do it on your own no matter what a loving person you think you are. We are just by human nature, flawed with selfish emotions that serve only us. I thought i was loving, i thought i could get along with most people, i thought i was kind, God is breaking me down in month 2 to show me that I am not that loving, i am not selfless, I am not patient and I sometimes am not kind – everything that God intends love to be to others from 1Cor13, I do not possess enough of. And without love, everything else I do or say is insincere because if “I have enough faith to move mountains but have not love, I am nothing”.
And so I am broken and unreconciled. Broken because of this ugliness in me that I see and acknowledge. Unreconciled because I want to be able to love those that are hard for me to love, and mad at myself for not being able to do it. So I ask God for the past few nights to fill me with His Love so that I can learn what love is in the midst of frustration and to replace my selfish attitude with His loving one. It’s still a work in progress but I am thankful that God is putting me in situations that reveal areas of my life that needs to be acknowledged and ask God for restoration.
I walked up atop of a mini mountain (because there just are so many of these little mountains in this little village) to get some alone time with God and as I released my frustration to Him, I began to sing this song:
Change my Heart oh God
Make It Ever True
Change my Heart oh God
May I be like You
Jesus Oh Jesus
The prayer of my heart for this month is for God to fill me with His love because without it, I won’t know or be able to love those around me and without that, my ministry will not mean much. “If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing”. (1Cor13:3) I am indeed humbled and invite you to join in with me in prayer, it is such a foundational necessity if i am to be on this journey for the next 10 months. Please keep me in your prayer.
