That moment when you realize that leaving the country wasn’t stepping out of your comfort zone.
I have been traveling my whole life, moving to new places, meeting new people, making new friends, going to different schools. Six different schools between K-12, three different colleges, seven different states, multiple mission trips, living in Cameroon for an extended period, traveling to countries like Mexico, Guatemala, Ecuador, Portugal, Cameroon, Kenya, Jordan, Israel, Palau, Guam. I have been so blessed, that God has given me those opportunities, and to have such a thoughtful uncle who happens to work as a flight attendant and understands my love for new places and different cultures. I write this because it hit me so hard this week that picking up and leaving to travel the world for a year wasn’t me stepping out of my comfort zone.
I had been having a hard first few days, struggling with some things inside of myself. On top of that I had been feeling like I wasn’t really connecting with God, or that I really hadn’t had anytime alone to even try re-connecting. I started having major doubts about myself, about the kind of gifts I brought to the group as a person, and things I wanted to grow in or learn and be apart of but haven’t felt confident enough to do. We decided as a team to at the end of each day sit on the rooftop of the place where we are staying, and go around the circle and tell each person positive things they saw in that person that day. It’s funny really, the things that you think no one see’s, but really they do. To have truth spoken into you each day, it makes you throughout the day seek out the positive things in the people around you.
Positive thinking doesn’t come naturally to me, I think I just have had a negative outlook on life for so long, that I find myself mentally making the choice to remain positive in situations where normally I would be negative or sarcastic, or even complain. I think this is probably the biggest lesson God is currently teaching me. Also I made the mistake of praying to learn patience, lol, and God is really taking that one to a whole new level. Even as I sit here right now typing this there is a little girl who keeps hitting me with this frog toy whose tongue sticks out. A few minutes ago none of us had been able to connect to the internet and so I prayed that God provide us the opportunity to talk to our families, and to teach me patience as I was getting frustrated with the computer. Well now the internet is working, and here is this little girl, and I look over at my teammate who is just laughing, be careful what you pray for.
I think stepping out of my comfort zone has been stepping out of who I have been, and breaking habits. It has involved having to look deeper into why I do the things that I do. It is pushing myself to do the things I wouldn’t normally do. It is recognizing the things inside of myself that need changing, and actually changing them. For example, like I said before, I have to mentally make choices to be positive in all kinds of different situations. It is learning to be a healthy person without anyone in the picture but myself. It is learning to be a team. It is learning to have a connection with God that will last beyond just this next year, when all there is is just me and God. It has been learning on a daily basis to reject the lies, and to seek my affirmation from God and no one else. Leaving my comfort zone, is embarking on the journey God is taking me on inside of myself.
So far this week, we have slept in the airport, took a 9 hour bus ride to Trujillo, and been staying with the most amazing hosts, Joel and Maria. They truly have servants hearts, and really love and care about the people in their community, and have shown us great love. We have painted classrooms, taught english classes, been learning Spanish, doing evangelism, having discipleship lessons, giving and listening to sermons, and getting to know each other on a deeper level.
My favorite moment of the week was holding a little girl after a sermon my teammate Melissa gave, as I was praying over her she grabbed onto me and just started bawling, I had no clue what she was saying and she had no clue what I was saying, but in that moment our hearts connected, and my heart broke for her as her little arms wrapped around me, nose dripping, tears streaming down her face, telling me her pain. All I could do was hold her and pray, and after we got done, I took her hands in mine and told her how much she was loved, and I know she understand, despite the language barrier.
Some things I have learned during week one on the race:
– Bathrooms do not have toilet paper in the stalls, they have it in the entrance of the bathroom, and sometimes after you have been shouting for your teammate to bring you some and she doesn’t hear you, you have to make a run for it.
– Sometimes you start a war with a cockroach and don’t successfully kill it, only to open your sleeping bag to find it in there. The battle continues.
– Mosquitos really love my legs and ankles.
– We have a serious Inca Kola addiction.
– “Yo Soy Libre” is played 8 times in a row during worship, and while you cringe every time is starts to play again, you realize that it is now officially the only full Spanish song you know, so you dance and sing to it anyways, and also hear it playing in your head in your sleep.
– Always look before you step off a ladder, because sometimes you stick your whole foot in a bucket of paint.
– Doing yoga on the rooftop overlooking the city each morning is so surreal.
– Getting to cuddle newborn kittens during team time is the such a hug from God.
– Re-disocerving your love for painting, but acknowledging you still have no drawing abilities.
– Hand washing clothes is extremely therapeutic.
– While taking an adventure day to tour the city and the mud ruins, the beach, eating awesome Peruvian food, and walking around the city square, remember to bring sunscreen!
Internet will probably be available only once a week at this point, and takes a while to actually access, but stand by for more updates next time!
