I want to start off by saying thank you to all of you guys who prayed for me, my energy, my health, and everything else that got me through my fast. The fast did look a little bit different than I had planned due to the heat, and the lack of hospital care in Swaziland. My wonderful host, David and Jenna, suggested eating food on ministry days, so we came up with a new game plan. The first three days (Saturday, Sunday, and Monday) was a water fast, and then the next four days (ministry days) I just ate dinner. I am just going to take you through each day, and just share my realizations and what the Lord was teaching me during those days. Each day I wrote in my journal about how that day went or what the Lord was telling me, and I am going to share parts of these journal entries in this blog.
Throughout the first three days of no food, all I wanted to do was be with the Lord. Usually I am such a people person, and need to be around people and have quality time and conversations every chance I get. The Lord just kinda flipped that and made me just desire quality time with him, and not anyone else. I did not care that I was missing out on going out on adventure day or missing out on hanging out with people because I was hanging out with ABBA. This was honestly something I had never felt before. I tend to put people and quality time over the Lord , and just the sense of wholeness I felt throughout these days was insane and indescribable.
Day one:
Not hungry yet!!!! The Lord blessed me with a peaceful morning with the sound of rain.The Lord took me to an open field just to sit and talk with him out loud. ( it is hard to get alone to do this living with 40 people) Through out the past week, when I would ask the Lord if he had anything to share with me, he would just say “I love you” I would then ask him how much or why, and he would never respond. Today, he did he told me because he created me just the way he wanted me with all of my quirks, talents, pet peeves, passions, everything. He thought them up and put them in me and only me. He sat me down and listed every individual thing he purposefully put in me. He even listed somethings I had not been walking in or thinking of. In song writing class, we have a project of mashing up a song singing to death, a swazi song about victory, and a song thanking Jesus for baring the weight of our sins. The Lord prompted me through this to go through the resurrection story in Matthew. He just reminded me of the price he paid for me, and the love he had for me to die on the cross, so that I could live for him. I think not living for me and my happiness, but the glory of the Lord is something that will come out of this fast.
Day two:
The Lord told me to wake up at 5:00, and it was just a morning full of prayer and intercession for the people in Swazi and people back home. We walk thirty minutes to church, there and back, in the heat of the sun, and church requires a lot of movement standing up and sitting down. The Lord gave me just enough energy to dance for him during worship, and enjoy the walk to church. The story of Jacob and Joseph came up a lot today. It was in my podcast, and the pastor brought them up in church. I realized how much these men of faith messed up and took God’s works as their own. I then felt very convicted, because my prideful self does this all the time. I don’t give him all the glory he deserves. The Lord has made me the way that I am, and he is the one that has provided everything for me. So everything that is good and fruitful that comes from me or is given to me is the Lord working in me and through me. He deserves all the praise, but I have a tendency to take some of the praise away from him and put it on me. The Lord brought up the weight of sin, and the Lord’s wrath against sin as I was going through the first couple chapters in Romans. I see a reaccuring theme of acknowledging sin and the weight of death. Something I want to get from this fast is finding true joy in salvation. The Lord blessed the squad with a rainbow during a lighting storm today. He gives us so much more than we deserve.
Day three:
I was planning on sleeping in but the Lord had other plans. He woke me up again at 5:00. I was able to just sit in the Lords presence and worship. I also prayed about what the Lord wanted me to do that day, and he said rest. In my head I thought well you woke me up at 5:00 how is that restful. Me and Grace went through faith scripture, because strengthening my faith is something the Lord has consistently brought up in my time in Swazi, and it was something the Lord taught her on her race. She talked about how faith is a gift from the Lord, and how when we take it for granted it hurts the Lord feelings. Faith should never be taken for granted, or looked over. It is priceless. It is what I should live for. I went to the song writing class, and it turned in to this big worship session. David convicted the whole squad about how worship needs to be our go to in everything. Something praiseworthy happens : worship ……bad day at ministry : worship ….. enemy is filling your thoughts and you’re not in the mood to worship : squad worship will change your mindset. Worship reminds us of how powerful, how loving, how merciful, how mighty, how much we need our perfect God. He talked about how he can tell when he comes to the base and we have worshiped. Worship changes our posture, and fills us with the presence of the Holy Spirit. (Our squad now worships and insane amount after this talk) After this the rest the Lord told me about came. I slept three whole hours. I laid in bed from 1 o clock to 7 o clock. Right when I woke up from my nap the Lord asked me questions about tendencies that I had that I need to change, and then he would answer why. Some of them being…
“Why do you search for self gratification and glory?”
- Don’t you know everything you are and have is from me
“Why is everything about you?”
- You are only a part in my perfect plan for eternity
“Why do you search for love and adoration from other people?”
- Is my whole heart not enough?
“Why do you think your good works are good enough?”
- With out me you are sinful and lost
The Lord ended these very convicting questions with encouragement by saying “Don’t hold back, Don’t second guess yourself. You are everything I planned on and more just seek me first and you will find exactly who you are in me who I have made you to be. There is so much more I have planned for you.”
Today was a very hard day on my body, and at times I did let it get the best of my emotions, but the Lord always brought me back to dwelling with him and filling my spirit up. It was crazy through out today I could defiantly tell the difference of when I was focused on the world and feeling fatigue, or when I was praising the Lord and keeping my eyes on him. A sense of just completeness and peace washed over me verses anxiety and a searching for something else I knew I needed but couldn’t find in looking at my worldly circumstance.
Day four:
Journal entry before I drank juice:
I made it three whole days!! Thank you Jesus!!! Something crazy about these three whole days was my stomach did not grumble, not once!! The Lord is so good. The only way I physically felt it was a gradually fatigue and some dizziness, YEBO! am I right!? I still have to make it through ministry to dinner before I eat actual food, but God’s got it. It is currently 5:00 am he woke me up early yet again. I am sitting with the Lord at our picnic table in the prayer garden about to drink my juice. The juice kinda looks like grape juice, so the Lord prompted me to have communion with out the bread. I read the crucifixion story and just gave thanks to Jesus while listening to the song “remembrance.” This was such a beautiful moment. The Lord reminded me I don’t need anything in this life because his blood has set me free and I have an eternal home in heaven! YEBOOOO!
Journal entry at the end of the day
I had an enlightenment I did not know that I needed. The Lord just opened my eyes more to the weight of salvation. Something, I thought I had already known and heard before. He tore down the veil between just knowing I am saved and truly feeling the joy of it and living it out. I am reading through my Romans commentary by R.C.Sproul, and just a zeal and love washed over me as I read through chapter 4. I realize I have gotten justification wrong this entire time. With faith, I am cloaked in God’s righteousness. The Lord “dikalos” or declares me righteous. It is not my works at all. I have always heard it is faith not works, and I knew that, but today I truly felt it and believed it. I am a sinner, but in God’s eyes I am righteous. Hi righteousness is on me and not mine! How blessed am I. I am just filled with so much happiness and excitement with just the simple knowledge of being saved from the wrath that my worldly self deserves. ( will be writing a blog called joy of salvation that expands more on this revelation ).
- I think it is super cool to go back and read through my journal entries, because through out the whole three days he was preparing me for this realization with showing me the weight of my sin and going through scriptures of faith with grace. He even had me do communion right before I read the commentary. He just plans things out so perfectly.
The Lord used juice to refuel me supernaturally. I felt like a completely normal person. My body was not fatigued, and honestly throughout the day at ministry I had forgotten I had not eaten, because I just felt so normal. That was really cool to know that what I was feeling was completely and utterly not from any thing of this world. Only the Lord can fill someone up for running around and playing with kids after not eating for three going on four days. At 7:00 o clock, I got to eat TACOS!!! I thought it would hurt my stomach, but I ate the amount that I normally would eat, because I knew I had to refuel for ministry the next day. I have been praying before and throughout my fast for my body not to change, because I did not want satan to corrupt this fast by making it about losing weight (we have all gained some weight from all the bread we eat haha) The amount of food I ate did not phase me, because my body and stomach stayed the exact same size!! Isn’t the Lord just so good. He also knew I needed to eat a lot for ministry, and so he did not let my stomach shrink so I could refuel fully. I was just so full of the Joy from the Lord and contentment today. He is all I need. I know he will sustain me physically and mentally, because he has done exactly that today.
Day five:
Today during quiet time the Lord told me that these next few days would be the hardest part of the fast. And I thought the hard part was over hahaha. I think he wants to teach me perseverance, and not letting my emotions or circumstances rule me. After this the Lord prompted one of my squad mates to give me a note of encouragement over the fast, which was exactly what I needed for the day. Not only was I more tempted to eat, but I also had a lot of spiritual warfare going on in my head. Satan was not happy about my joy in the Lord yesterday, and he fought back hard. I think he is intimidated. I honestly sat in my emotions, and the lies the enemy was telling me for half the morning. You would think I would learn haha. My team leader, Grace, prayer over me, and just like that everything I had been feeling was gone. The rest of the day was still a battle, but I knew I had the victory in the Lord. I ended up having the best time getting to know the gogo better, and playing ball with this little boy. I made it to dinner, and me and my team ended the day with worship. Rest in the Lord. He will fill you up, and fight your battles.
Day six:
Today, I started with a very horrible no good very bad devotion time. I had many attacks from the enemy. Thoughts about death and other worries that were obviously not from the Lord took over my brain distracting me from spending time with the Lord. Instead of dwelling in my fear I fought back. I knocked Satan out with worship. I blocked his lies with praise. My mood and worrisome thoughts changed drastically. I ended up having one of the best days yet in Swaziland. Ministry was just filled with so much laughter and goodness. The Lord at the end of the day convicted me of how I sat in my emotions the day before, and let them get the best of me. I realized just how much I let my emotions rule me and affect my day. They are not emotions I need to be dwelling in. I hope in the future when I start to notice my emotions wavering, my first instinct is to praise the Lord. Like David told the squad Sunday, I want worship to be my go to in all circumstances.
Day seven:
Today, I made the mistake of being too excited for dinner time, and I wasn’t fully present in ministry. I want to soak up all the time I have with these kids. Being with them is a once in a life time opportunity, and I am going to miss them so much when we leave. The time I have with them is so important and precious, and the days are numbered. I realized today that, at ministry, I am baby sitting the Lord’s children. I need to do it to the best of my ability, because they are the Lord’s. I also realized today during worship, that the only important thing about me is that I am God’s child. All of my accomplishments, and worldly things I think makes up who I am is not important and is not constant. I am Joy Mullins the daughter of the one true God.
I know that was a lot to read, but the Lord just taught me so much throughout this fast. I tried to share it all with you guys. Some of it just simply can not be put to words. I know that the Lord is not done using this fast to shape me. As you can see he brought to light a lot of things I need to work on, and I know I am not going to get it right the first time. I am going to mess up a lot, but the Lord will always be right there to pick me back up and direct my path. Thank you again for your prayers, and encouragement. The fact that I was not hungry at all during this fast and just the energy I had through most of it shows how much your prayers helped, so thank you
