Feeling safe doesn’t always mean you are safe. Being comfortable isn’t always what’s best.
This month I’m learning what it is like to be pushed farther than I’ve been pushed before. This whole trip has involved moments where I’ve been pushed out of my comfort zone, but never have I been pushed so far out of my comfort as I have this month.
There are items that I’ve been holding onto that have given me a sense of comfort or a false sense of security, one of these items is my watch. Time and schedule give me a sense of control, knowing what time it is, what time something is going to begin or end, etc. Well I lost my watch in South Africa, I have no clue where or how but all I know is I don’t have the ability to simply look at my watch whenever I want and know the time. It sounds ridiculous but think of how often you check your cell phone, your watch, your car clock, your wall clock. Everything in the states is centered around time and schedule.
Another thing is my essential oils. If you know me at all you know I never go anywhere without them, I love and depend on them so much. Since leaving the states we haven’t had regular access to medicine, doctors, etc. so my oils have saved the day many, many times for both my self and my whole squad. Thankfully I used them when I got bit by a brown recluse spider until I was able to go to the emergency room, otherwise I would have been in a lot more trouble. A lot of my security was placed in my oils and well….. almost ALL my oils broke. Over 20oz. of various essential oils broke in my bag when it was tossed off the bus a couple weeks ago.
One of my journals that I have almost filled since leaving the states was ruined in the rain when the wall of the structure we were sleeping in gave away and the floor became flooded while in South Africa. All of my memories, pictures, stories, prayers, thoughts, and photos smeared and watered together. There was no saving it and it got tossed in the trash.
This month in Zimbabwe we are living in a house/building that would be condemned if it was in the states. We cook our dinner on the fire outside, we have electricity outages more often than we have electricity, we don’t have running water, we take bucket showers outside, we are sleeping on a concrete floor with cockroaches that come out while we are falling asleep and rats that run around in the walls and ceiling and occasionally across the floor.
Our ministry this month is working with high school aged girls and boys. Talking to them about the importance of education, gender violence, and prostitution. Zimbabwe is such a poverty stricken country and prostitution and gender violence are such huge issues here. It’s heartbreaking to see all of the pain and suffering that goes on. We are also working with the young children of Zimbabwe on the weekends. We get to spend a few hours with them playing games, singing, and just loving them.
Learning and growing is never easy or fun. But losing the things that mean a lot to me made me realize that I’ve developed a false sense of security and comfort in these inanimate objects. Living like I’ve never lived this month has made me realize how much I have taken for granted back home, it’s made me realize what is really important. Working with these youth have made me realize how important each one of their lives is and how incredible each one of their stories are. Working with the children have made me realize how strong they are and how happy they are when they have so little.
I’ve learned that when everything around me is constantly changing, my teammates, my “home,” and the people I meet, I desperately attempt to hold on to some sort of familiarity for comfort and security. When really what I need to hold on to and cling to is God. For God alone can bring a true sense of security and comfort, not my watch, my essential oils, or my journal. So even though this month is my hardest month so far, I’ve learned the most….and that’s how it usually goes from what I’ve been told.
