This is in fact the last blog I will be writing until South Africa. I can’t believe im going to South Africa! But, before I leave, I felt very heavy on my spirit to write a blog about the restoration of my heart, well in this case our hearts. I Have seen it through my entire team and it has been incredible to see God moving while in preparation for this trip.
This trip is so much a calling, and an act of obedience. Believe it or not but for some of us it didn’t start off as a calling. This trip could‘ve very much been an escape, an escape of a broken home, an escape of depression, an escape of a broken family, or an escape of just life here. I have had 9 months to prepare. I do not know why but I didn’t think that I would need to prepare spiritually. (yeah I know what is wrong with me) nothing is wrong with me though. Those 9 months have felt like 9 years. This is where the restoration started.
•“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”
??1 Peter? ?5:10? ?
In this season, the Season before South Africa, has been challenging in so many ways but I could not be more grateful! I mean I hate how it happened but it has taught me so much. My faith has grown drastically. I have relied on The Lord like never before, I trusted God like never before. 4 weeks before my trip, I was told I wasn’t supported by my family, and so I made a choice to move out. My independency grew, but so did discouragement. I had become so independent on my parents thinking they were going to fully fund me but in reality they didn’t support me. And that’s where doubt came in. In that same season, someone who had been leading me to prepare my heart for this trip left. The first healthy father figure i had left. It literally felt like my world shattered.
God showed me that He is Faithful & while people can leave and others don’t want to support you, we have a Heavenly Father who hasn’t forsaken us even when it has felt like it. I saw God work in me like never before. I would wake up in the middle of the night and it felt like I was on an operation table and God was taking every bit of hurt and was healing the wounds while He was also weeping with me. I so felt His comfort and love and just showed me how much He loves me.
The best encouragement I have ever received and heard over and over again is that, I don’t have to live in daily brokenness. Now that is very different than dying to myself. I could have let discouragement, depression, doubt, and anger break me but I didn’t. I let God restore the faith, and the trust that I gave up. I let God restore the Joy in my heart from all the doubt. I allowed God to work in me and to restore my brokenness. Living in daily brokenness is truthfully not a good way to live, at least in my opinion. There are days where despite of what happened I am okay. I am okay because God is in control, I have surrendered all my doubts and worries, therefore I can be okay for a season!
I’ve seen the restoration in my team! Some of them were dealing with depression and anxiety and I saw God RESTORE IT WITH JOY! Some of them were dealing with fear and doubt and I saw God RESTORE IT WITH FAITH AND TRUST. So this new season of my life and in my teammates life will be a new beginning and a continual season of restoration. I ask that you will be in prayer, that God will continue to restore brokenness and and doubt in our hearts.
Thank you for your support, love and prayers. I will update you all in South Africa!!! AHHHH! Okay bye ??
