There were a lot of things about the world race that differed from “normal life”. Especially in the small things that happened daily.
One thing about “race culture” was that it was a normal thing to not wear makeup. We didn’t expect each other to wear nice clothes or dress up or have our hair done. It was normal to not wear shoes when we had to run outside or worship or dance. That was my favorite, the forgoing shoes part. I love not having anything on my feet. So saying that, I was barefoot this year more then any time I can remember. My feet were sore and dirty at times. They were hurt from stepping on a rock or bruised from stubbing my toe, and more often then not when I got home at the end of the day they were a definite shade or two (or three) darker from all of the dust and mud and dirt that they saw. I didn’t mind.
I got home two days ago, and something I forgot until I got back to the US was that it’s not a normal thing to step out of your house without shoes. To walk across a parking lot or grab your mail is just something that you get ready for, even if it’s as simple as slipping on a pair of flip flops.
As I’m transitioning from mission to normal life, I spent the last 2 days thinking about what I learned. What can I take from the last 9 months that I may impart on the people around me here? What can I take back home to tell friends and family? What about ME changed because of GOD.
Here’s what I definitely know. I am not perfect. It is impossible to live joyfully believing in what will never be attainable. So here is truth, I’m a lot like dirty feet. I am flawed and messy and I’ll never be exactly what other people or myself want. I WILL fail in life and I WILL fail other people sometimes, because I admit that I am weak and lost without direction. I tangibly represent what I have walked through by my appearance. My approach to life, to relationships, and to the Lord are evidence of where I have been and how far I have walked. I am battered and worn and sometimes too hurt to walk very well. I have scars from battles that I have both won and lost, and I don’t always know where to step next.
But over the past 9 months my feet have gotten really really tough. Calloused and worn they’re able to walk on things that before would have really hurt. Like rocky soil or hot pavement, my feet have grown stronger and stronger with each day that I neglected to do what was “expected” of me for so much of my life.
I am strengthened when I embrace the fact that I am imperfect. I am made more mighty when I admit that I am not what I want, and I am not going to ever live up to expectations. I have learned about the Lord and how to pursue Him as a friend because of all the hard ground that I’ve stepped on. Every time I scraped my foot or took another step I drew closer to God. When I struggled or prayed extra for help I embraced the spirit. I came a little closer to Him and I reached my hands out towards Him with a just a little more zeal. And as the months went on I was excited to see tangible evidence of my feet getting strong. My life changing day by day because it wasn’t about me anymore. It wasn’t about how I looked or what I desired or what my own opinions were…and it wasn’t about covering up brokenness and being weak.
I am made glorified when I admit defeat in the eyes of the Lord.
I am lifted high when I am humble.
Able to love because He first loved me.
Made stronger by faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.
And guided when I find my worth in God and not in what surrounds me.
I have a God who I brought home with me… I left some of my very best friends last week, but I got to bring my BEST friend home with me. How crazy is that. That he sees me as broken and bruised yet he looks at me and says “redemption.” He sees me and says “sanctified.” He smiles down at me and says “beautifully created”, and he loves me as he surrounds me and whispers “strengthened FOR me and BY me and for MY kingdom.”
And just like that I made clean. With a word from him I am at peace, and with a look from the almighty I know my worth. I know my identity, and I know what I have to do to actually dwell in it.
My goal for each day; Know that I am low so that He may lift me higher. Know that I am weak so that he may put shoes on my feet every morning that I know I’m not worthy enough to wear.
If I brought anything back from the race, it’s that I’m really thankful to be me. I’m really happy to have a Lord who loves me so freakin much. I’m okay with being messy and dirty and imperfect if that means that I have a chance to draw closer to God. I would always always always take that over being perfect or desirable or strong on my own. Thanks for reading:) Thanks for following me for the past 9 months. Prayers PLEASE for being home and adjusting to normal life.
– Josie
