The Father is taking me back to dust to be remade. It is strange place to be at. To know longer feel like yourself while at the same time feeling more like yourself than you ever did before. To know who you were was good and not look on it with disgust. Yet, at the same to know there is so much more. And feel that you are finally reaching into that something more. While not knowing what it is you are becoming. Maybe the becoming is exactly who I am. In order to be I am always suppose to be becoming something else. By settling to be who you are, you are deciding to actually be nothing at all. And now that I realize I am always suppose to be becoming something more, less of what I was and more something, I am finally deciding to be. I was never living up to the action that was suppose to living. I realize at the same time I am only grasping but a small glimpse of what it means. Is that not the fun part of if? In knowing I know so little I am sure to not settle thinking I know enough. I am destined to continue to move forward into something more. My heart lies unsettled to not be stretched and not made into something new. Everyday to wake up and count all lose, anew all over again. Picking up my cross I didn't realize always meant letting go of everything that was and attacking what is in front of you with new eyes freshly molded. Letting go everyday of what I want it to look like. And in doing that everyday letting go of who I have decided for myself I am suppose to be. Realizing what I thought I was suppose to be will actually leave me being who I already am instead who the Father is making me into. Realizing there is no end. There is no point where I can say ha finally I have made it. Finally!! I have reached a point that I can rest and be proud of. I am not saying you cannot be proud of where you are at. I am merely saying being too proud can cause you to think you have accomplished an end goal. If the goal was your's to reach you would find yourself far from the finish line feeling incomplete. However , when you realize you are being guided and molded always at no end you find yourself always satisfied. Maybe not sure of where you are but satisfied in knowing you are exactly where you are suppose to be. That is the place I am in right now. I am very unsure of the future for me. At the same time I am very satisfied in it. Glad to be remade everyday. Pleased to know I am becoming more myself everyday. Everyday as a new me emerges from sleep seeing the world differently than the man he knew the day before. Beginning each day being reintroduced to Joshua. Each night saying goodbye to him knowing someone else must meet tomorrow, and he will be ready and prepared.
To stand and watch the world move you will age but you will not grow. Choose to not stand but run the race set before you. You will have no regrets only lessons learned. No fears only obstacles overcome. Dare to live out the action to be!!
Read Philippians 3:12-21
