“blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”
Jeremiah 17:7-8
This July I took a huge leap of faith and stepped on to an airplane for Atlanta. Since then I have spent two months in South America, first Bolivia, then Peru. It has been a wild journey thus far and it is only the beginning. There have been many unknowns I have faced including simple things like what am I going to eat, where will I be sleeping this month, what will my ministry look like, but these little unknowns were nothing compared to the ones I would face during the first two months of my race. One thing I was not ready for was battling bitterness and overcoming it, for not only my sake but for those around me. This was something I didn’t think I had an issue with, at least not until now. Second, and most importantly, was the unknown territory of having a mother being diagnosed with cancer while I am on a different continent and the brokenness that comes from it. These two things were new to me. It is one thing to travel to unknown lands and meet new people and eat unknown foods and experience new and unknown things, but it is an entirely different thing to traverse through new and unknown spiritual territory. In this blog I will tell you how traveling trough this new spiritual territory has changed my walk in faith and in the end how my faith has grown and strengthened because of it.
It was around 10pm when my squad arrived at the bus terminal in Trujillo, Peru. Our bus was delayed so we ended up spending the night there and finally caught our bus around 5am. While I was able to catch a few hours of sleep, this was only the beginning of a long, stressful, and challenging couple of days of travel. The bus ride was 18 hours and I was only able to catch 3-4 hours of sleep that morning. This first leg of the trip from Trujillo to Quito was not all too bad, it was when we arrived in Guayaquil that the battle with bitterness began. We arrived in Guayaquil, Ecuador around midnight and due to the delay of our first bus, we missed our second. I was exhausted, hungry, and ready to sleep. When we finally found a nice place to set up in the terminal, we were met by an armed security guard. He informed us that we were not allowed to sleep nor were we allowed to sit on the floor. Our only option was to sit on the uncomfortable metal chairs. I felt like a prisoner in that terminal. Oh, and did I mention our bus didn’t leave until 7am? We had roughly 6 hours to spend in that terminal and sleeping was not an option. By now, bitterness was in full swing. One thing I rarely do is make my complaints vocal but after an 18 hour bus ride with minimal sleep and nothing but chips to eat, I was not myself by any means and my complaints were very vocal, I even posted an unnecessary status on Facebook displaying my bitterness, not my best decision, I know. I still cannot find any justification for the guard’s demands but one thing I do know and am very sure of, is that God was using that time in the terminal to teach me and allow me to grow. In the second chapter of Paul’s letter to the Philippians he said, “Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.” (Philippians 2:14-16) These verses were on a loop in my head for days following that night. This was a tough lesson to learn but it was absolutely necessary. There will be times in life where I am not pleased or satisfied with the circumstances but that’s ok because in those times of trial I can place my anxiety on God and in return HE will place within me a peace that goes beyond any understanding. I am now getting better at attacking bitterness at its root and rebuking it at its first sign. I have by no means eliminated it completely from my life but I am surely in a better place now then I was before.
Another unknown spiritual territory I found myself wading in was deep brokenness. Before leaving for the race I was told this would happen, that at some point I would find myself in a place of brokenness and that it was essential for not only my race but my walk with God. I quickly accepted that truth and put it aside, thinking to myself, “well I’m in a good place now, it probably won’t happen until month 6 or something when I am in the bush and far from the many comforts of the modern world.” Well to my surprise, true brokenness came quick, and it didn’t take long before I found myself traversing through a hurricane of it. Towards the end of month one, I found myself in an internet cafe one morning, reading a message from my mother back home. It was very direct and it pierced my being with the power of a thousand swords. “I have cancer” she wrote. Minutes went by while staring at the message. I’m not even sure if I breathed at all while sitting there. That first month in Bolivia seemed perfect. I really enjoyed myself and was getting a good taste of the new life God had placed before me, but most importantly, I was in a really good place spiritually, but as I read that message all of that was shattered right before my feet. From that point on I found it extremely hard to remain present and focus on what God had placed right before me. I was living in a beautiful country, getting ready to travel to another one, I was living out my dreams and yet I found it almost impossible to be even the slightest bit happy. One night during church, everyone was dancing and singing, it was as if this great joyness erupted into the small sanctuary. Everyone was out of their seats and most had left their places to stand towards the front to join what seemed like a big dance party. But there I was, standing in front of my seat on the brink of weeping, all because I just wanted to give my mother a hug. Nothing in the world mattered at that moment except for the thought of being with her and having my arms tightly wrapped around her.
That brokenness followed me into Peru and consumed a great deal of me throughout that month. While in Peru I could feel a dark cloud over my spirit everywhere I went. I found myself questioning my faith and asking myself questions that I never thought I would ask. Questions like, “Are you really there God? What is your role in all of this? Why would you ever lead your daughter, whom you love unconditionally, through so much pain? Hasn’t she suffered enough from her MS?” Needless to say the foundation of my faith was shaken and came close to falling. Lucky for me I was surrounded by a community filled with great people, people who love me dearly and prayed relentlessly for my mother and I. It is through their words and their encouragement that I was led back to the truths of God. These truths being that He is Good and that his will is perfect. He is always working in our best interest even when all evidence points to the contrary. I knew in my heart that somehow God would bring glory out of this incredibly terrible situation I just for the life of me could not figure out how. I was constantly asking myself the question, “Why?” Over and over I would ask “Why, Why, Why?” That word became a cancer of its own. It was then that God spoke to me, saying, “The why is not important, what is important is that you maintain your faith and trust in me.” Simply by asking why displayed my lack of faith at the time. It was then that I chose to stop asking why and placed my faith and trust fully in Him. What I found next was an incredible peace. It took some time to fully hand over my mother to God but when I did, all the worry, all the anxiety, and all the stress was lifted. As it is written in the eighteenth verse of the thirty-fourth chapter of Psalms, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” My spirit was crushed and broken but like a loving father who lifts his child up from falling, He attended to my wounds and embraced me with his unfailing and limitless love. I felt new and refreshed. I was finally at peace with my mother’s situation.
After finding this great peace, the enemy quickly tried to take it from me. As I entered Ecuador I was faced with the reality of having to raise $3,500 by the end of the month in order to reach my next fundraising deadline and continue on the World Race. Once again I became overwhelmed with anxiety. But I hold on tightly to the truth that God Provides. Paul says in the fourth chapter of Philippians, “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” While I know in my heart that God will provide those funds, I also know He is calling me to step up and to help him help me. I can not stand idly by and wait for him to drop money from the sky. Even though this task has been placed at my feet, I NEED YOUR HELP!!! This is not a task to be taken lightly or on my own. Your involvement is essential and the fruit that will come from your actions will last an eternity. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves, but a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” I urge you to prayerfully consider partnering up with me, to stand beside me as I continue through this radical journey the Lord has placed before me. Not only I, but YOU as well have been called to be the hands and feet of God. What I am doing now is giving you an opportunity to answer that call. I have until the end of this month (October 1st) to meet my next fundraising deadline of $11,000. This means I have to raise $3,500 and with your help, I believe this to be absolutely possible. If just 100 people donate $35 then I will reach my goal!
If you would like to partner with me, whether it’s a one time donation or a monthly contribution, please send me an email to discuss further or click on the Support Me! tab on the left.
I pray that God speaks to you through my experiences and calls you to be a part of something big, to be apart of advancing His Kingdom here on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Thank you and God Bless!
“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31
