I find myself constantly trying to NOT do the World Race. Seriously, I have this grand opportunity and I keep trying to find ways to get out of it. It comes in waves, about every two weeks, and lasts for about a week in itself.
I have some pretty good career opportunities before me right now in life that could set up my future to be pretty comfortable. Be that advancement within Fed Ex, a company that is known to pay pretty well and take care of its people, a starting career in the military, where I could rise through the ranks well and steady, or even take a huge risk and start trying my hand at property flipping and start a career as a self-employed man, something I’ve always wanted to do, setting my own time and doing the whole, “pull yourself up by the bootstraps,” thing. There are many paths to make money, to do things that I would actually be fulfilled within instead of just doing menial nothing jobs for the sake of raising money, and would make make life simple and easy.
But then there’s this little voice in my head that says over and over again, “You’re going, get used to it.”
An encouraging voice, I must admit, when the doubt of going subsides, because it remains strong despite my ever changing mind.
I had to wonder why, however, it was that so much doubt arises in my mind so constantly despite feeling like the Lord has told me to go, the Lord keeps telling me to go, and the doubt always leaves? Why do I insist on finding ways to keep me from going?
As I have reflected and understood my own mind, I feel it comes down to simple wartime tactics. The enemy has seen fit to attack my resolve for one reason or another. Perhaps I am to meet someone on this trip, perhaps I am to be changed in such a way that what I’m actually meant to do in life becomes apparent and I start on such a path, perhaps my understanding of the Gospel will be so radically shifted that I start to make a greater difference in the world than I ever considered possible for one such as myself, perhaps all of that will happen; I do not know.
Now I have a mind for story telling, so as I think on it, I begin to draw a picture which tells a story, or sorts, and has a moral to it.
I picture myself as a large fortress or castle, surrounded by the enemy. The city is under siege by the surrounding forces. As I mentioned, it boils down to simple war time tactics, and a siege is not a constant affair. This is why my doubt comes in waves, almost scheduled waves.
The enemy attacks, I defend, the enemy regroups as do I, and we prepare for the next fray. But there are two important lessons I’ve learned through such consistent attacks, which has turned into the downfall of the enemy’s advances. The first is simple information. I know when and why the attacks are coming now. I hold the retaliative schedule, I’ve intercepted the message, broken the code, and have the itinerary of the enemy’s attacks. As such, I can strengthen the walls, bring in the elite guards, call to my allies, and defend the keep so valiantly that no enemy may even approach the walls but must rely on siege weapons.
The second aspect that I have learned is that sieges rely heavily on starvation tactics. Cut off the supply lines and starve out the people and they will eventually surrender or die. Aye but there’s the rub, I don’t have supply lines coming into the city, my sustenance comes from a living source within.
And there in lies the moral lesson for this whole “story” scenario: when the enemy lays siege to the keep of your resolve and faith, you must remain in the scriptures. It doesn’t matter how much you know, how much you’ve studied, how much you’ve already read, because you are not doing it to just feed your brain information. If you are to ride out the siege and prepare for the counter attack that the good Lord has promised the enemy cannot stand against, you must feed off of a living bread that goes beyond the simple nutrition of the mind. You cannot fight with starving soldiers, so to speak.
No matter your level of spiritual maturity, your familiarity with the scriptures, or anything else like this, if you are to be that which your master requires for his doulos soldiers, you must remain in the scriptures.
So if you are like me and constantly doubt, constantly find yourself finding great opportunity to not go on this journey, unless it is genuinely the Lord telling you not to go, then hold the line, make strong the walls, and keep yourself fed my friends.
