“Wow, Josh, you are going on a year long mission trip serving the Lord! You are going to come back so changed.”
“This is going to be a great year for you! Embrace all He has for you.”
“You must be doing amazing things for God since you are traveling the world for Him.”
“As a missionary you must be on FIRE for God… at all times!”
“Everyone is so proud of you back home, don’t let them down.”
“People back home just want to hear to good stuff, the kind of stuff you post on Instagram!”
*I apologize upfront if this blog is not seamless in thought. This is a raw and unfiltered barf of words*
The above words are just a couple of the many thoughts that pop in my head as I process through the last 9 or so months since I have left America, some laden with truth, others not so much.
The title of this blog was what I thought for a large portion of my race. Through this race I have been stripped of most, if not all of my comforts, and seen many things that don’t fit so easily into the nice little theological boxes I have created to somehow make sense of this crazy world. And yes, this world is crazy!
There have been many weeks straight where I have not sought after God in prayer or thought.
You heard that right, I as a beloved follower of our Great Lord, the Creator of Heaven and Earth, have gone weeks where I don’t value the worth of my King. Where I don’t acknowledge that He even exists, much less that He is constantly at work in this world. I have wrestled with God on what it looks like to submit to Him, what it means to have Him be the desire of my heart (because honestly, I have found that I usually am only doing lip service in this area), complaining to God, asking Him to give me things, asking God to make my life easier.
When this becomes my life, no wonder I am left empty and distant. I am trying to put God in a box and use Him as if He is at my beck and command. Almost like a genie; I am trying to manipulate and control God. This is not the way to draw close to Him. He simply wants me. And He wants me to want Him. Why? Good question!
The World Race has not left me empty and distant from God as I once thought, but rather it was my shallow and stagnant walk that left me empty. It was my comfortable, risk-free faith that distanced me from God. When put up against the realities of who God is and what His Kingdom looks like, they started to crumble. I was trying to cling to a shallow understanding of God rather than God himself.
But still…He is full of mercy!
I could go into much more detail on how I was feeling, how wretched I thought of myself and my condition, but that would only distract from the purpose of this blog. It is not to dwell on my past condition, but to fully look up at a God who is beyond understanding yet we are called to seek to understand Him. To look out at a hurting and desperate world that more often that not, doesn’t even know that they are hurting and in desperate need of the Father’s loving presence.
The Lord is calling me into a new season, and one that I hope will define the remaining months of my race and my transition back home: A unashamed and passionate pursuit of God alone!
He, and Him alone is all that I need! It is not the blessings but the Giver, not the creation, but the Creator, that is my very sustenance. It is in the seeking, the striving, this yearning, this pursuit, that we are made whole. We are given understanding, a thirst, that when quenched only cries out thirstier.
A.W. Tozer put it this way:
“O God, I have tasted thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the triune God, I want to want thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show my thy glory, I pray thee, that so I may know thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, “Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.” Then give me grace to rise and follow thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
*OK, Josh, Enough with the inspirational quotes!*
I have come to realize something important while being on this race. It is something that is rather crucial to my walk: Faith needs testing. Faith is only an empty proclamation of words until proven by a testing. Thank you Lord for loving me enough to allow me to go through a period of refinement. Thank you for loving me enough to not allow me to sit in my past condition for very long. Lord, You are good!
Prayer Requests:
1) Pray for my team and squad as we prepare our hearts for our transition back to America. In less than 2 months we will hit American soil and that will be a big change for all of us. Pray for God’s provision and for us to believe it.
2) Pray for both physical health and spiritual health. Many of us have gotten sick and are fighting through emotional, and mental battles. Pray for strength and endurance. Pray for the presence of God in our lives to be so sweet that the worries and stresses become so minute that they no longer have any hold on us.
3) Pray for wisdom and discernment as I look forward to what the Lord has in store for my near future. There are a few options on the table and they all look really good. However, it looks like I may be entering another season of support raising. Pray for strength to go back into the support raising mode as I do NOT like asking for money, even knowing that I am being called into that season.
Again, a big THANK YOU to everyone who has diligently prayed and supported me on this race. I can’t even begin to express the blessing you have been, not only to me but everyone whom I have come into contact with. Your love is being shared with the World (literally).
