As we entered into this time of calling each other up (not out), I began weeping. At first, I had no idea why I was weeping. Then I began speaking and the overflow of my heart began pouring out of my mouth (Luke 6:45).
I was scared.
I knew the importance of conflict resolution and healthy communication. Actually I really longed for it. However, I was realizing that I was scared due to my past experience in a setting like this.
On my previous trip, I was really hurt by my leaders in a setting like this. I’d also never really had this in my home growing up.
I knew I needed healing.
I had known I needed healing in this area but I wasn’t sure how to get it or when it would come. But it came in that moment and in the moments following.
Like I mentioned, I was really hurt the last time I was vulnerable in a situation like this. My heart was taken advantage of, and people I was supposed to be able to trust hurt me. But, the Lord healed me of that in a moment’s notice. It was incredible! I felt this overwhelming peace in my heart. It was like a piece of my heart had been literally healed to where the blood could now flow better. It is almost indescribable, but it is one of the best feelings ever.
I have forgiven them!
Forgiveness had already taken place, but complete healing had not. I was also facing the reality that I was pretty immature and ignorant in this area. I didn’t know how to do this properly and maturely to where I guard the other person’s heart while expressing some frustration in a safe environment. This was new, and I had only a slight grasp on how to do this the right way.
I am still learning.
In this case the learning process began right after the healing. After drying my tears and composing myself, I was able to maturely and respectfully express frustration with a teammate.
I must also take a moment to give a shout out to my team. They did an excellent job of gently teaching me how to do this thing properly. They also did an amazing job of creating a safe environment where I had no hesitation of sharing what I was feeling.
The process of learning this principle of Biblical conflict resolution (Matthew 18:15-17) will only come by carrying it out in a healthy manner. But I am looking forward to this process. It’s something I’ve longed for.
I’ve been HEALED!
