What I realized through out our time talking in that room was that all the things He had been showing me each month were things that I needed to be strong in and able to walk in confidence in order to walk through the trials that might come my way, in the area He is calling me to. He showed me through His word the growth I’d been having and even though I haven’t been able to see it, it still has been happening. He showed me the growth he has been doing in me is a growth deep with in my soul and a growth that was so painful that it just felt like I was getting trampled on the whole time but in reality He was doing something much more. The growth was at every step exhausting, hard, painful, tough, deep and almost unnoticeable, but God who is rich in mercy was never gone, never absent and never not at work. He was always there calling me higher. And He told me son I’m always here and I’m always doing what’s best for you. Keep pushing; keep moving because, our momentary light affliction is producing for you an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. 2 Cor. 4:17. This is what I’m doing in you and as always you are deeply loved.
This last bit is a little tender to talk about for me. But for the entire race I’ve been asked to be vulnerable and to open up and share the wisdom I have to offer. Also to be fully known which includes my current struggles. I want to be very clear about something, I’ve always been like this I’ve always questioned things and tested things and sought the Lord on it all. I’ve always struggled hard and the only difference now is I have people willing, but not really able to, walk through things with me. I have an amazingly loving team, Refined and Divine, which pushes me and challenges me to grow. The thing is I used to fight these battles silently and alone with God. But now at the urging of leadership here at the World Race and my former team and family, I have come out of my shell and let all the crazy out. To which my teams have accepted with open arms. Others seem to have a problem with my questioning and struggling now that it’s vocal and in your face. So, I’m just going to do some bullet statements:
- Don’t ask me to open up and be vulnerable and then tell me its too much
- Don’t ask me to be vulnerable then tattle on me when I am
- Don’t tell me it’s a safe place to grow when it’s not
- Stop telling me to be vulnerable, you don’t know how much I have been
- I am growing
- All I can say is I’m fighting with all I have to take back what the enemy has stolen, and bring God’s kingdom here.
And finally I will continue to fight I won’t quit, I love every one on my team too much to quit they keep me growing, and God is harvesting their work in me. And He ask me to stay and fight, so I will every day, I fight for His name to be glorified.
To those considering coming on the World Race, do you absolutely believe that the Word of God is 100% true? That the Word of God is Jesus and that He is trying to speak to you? That what He says goes above all else? If you do and you put those things first then you will survive. But that doesn’t mean this race is easy. The only way this should be easy is if you are coasting. But if your desire is to actually grow closer to the Fathers heart and to bring His kingdom then it will be hard, very hard at times. So be ready for that but if you’re going to come on this trip do not coast its not worth it if you don’t give it your all. So if you do come have the balls to stand up for what you believe in. it may hurt but that’s ok you get to see Jesus some day.
Do it but do it right!!!
The things God is asking me to walk in.
- Thankful in all circumstances
- Trust no matter what
- Be that light always even just for one
- Unoffendable identity
- Unshakeable faith
- Unshakeable faith takes acton
- fight on my knee
So this stuff may seem pretty rough, however it is actually been really good for my growth.
