“If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” Philippians 2:1-3
Reading through the gospels it is pretty clear that one of the key reasons why Jesus loved so well is that He was never in a HURRY. He was PATIENT with all situations, taking every possible moment of His time to see people for who they are and love wildly because of it. I think it is safe to say that in today’s world, most everyone is in a rush. We prowl day and night in search for the instant gratification of our needs. The problem is, when we hurry, we aren’t allowing God to work. We aren’t loving well and others get caught in the crossfire. My time in Ecuador was filled with ministry, love, and adventure. The best part was that the Lord revealed some simple truths that are all too often overlooked: just how damaging words can be, and why patience is a crucial building block of LOVE.
On this journey, I am quickly learning that ministry never looks the same. Week to week, day to day, moment to moment; it is all so different. For some reason, I thought that like every other season in my life I would be able to develop some sort of rhythm for this year, and really get into a groove so that I could use that momentum to move me month to month, gaining impetus along the way. I mean isn’t that how someone would excel at work or school? You learn the process and then master it/improve on it to gain success – pretty straight forward right? That is just how I have done life for years; and honestly that is what the world taught me as the correct way to obtain “success”. But NOTHING is straight forward when it comes to ministry other than the humble realities that Jesus gives us. Because ministry is all about loving people in countless ways and there just isn’t any perfect formula to follow. Adaptability is what breeds prosperity for the Kingdom. Mother Teresa was someone who got the message of Jesus. I hear people ask the question all the time, how was Mother Teresa able to love thousands of people and touch so many lives? The answer is simple, she loved whatever person was in front of her. That is all we can do; take the TIME to adapt our love and full attention, 24/7, to whomever falls in front of us. “Intense love does not measure, it just gives.” -MT
Now, month 2 was unique in and of itself because it was all-squad month and all about people. The vast majority of this mission is spent with individual teams of 6-7 people per team. In my case, there are 8 teams that I set out on this journey with that comprise our squad. We travel together as a squad, going to the same countries over the year, but each team serves in different designated cities within the countries to best be effective. However, in Ecuador we all ended up in Quito, AT one house; not IN one house because that would imply that everyone slept inside. No, no, guys had the privilege of sleeping outside in tents, while the girls received welcoming beds and a cozy roof. I’m not bitter or anything… (I’m actually not, it was great!) But wow, living at the same house and sharing everything, including the air we breathe, with 56 people for a month can be overwhelming for sure. I always say that privacy on the race is like unicorns, it just doesn’t exist; especially true for this month. Luckily, with uncomfortable situations like being jammed into one compound Jesus still finds room to speak and give much needed instruction. It was a great opportunity to further exercise adaptability, which had the immense weight of intentionality attached to it, but was so worth it.
My ministry hosts in Ecuador are two of the most wonderful people I have ever met in my life. Fabi and Mabe exude the love of Jesus from every fiber of their being and set such an example of what it means to chase after God first. I knew from the very first conversation that I had with them, that the Lord sent me to Quito to serve them with everything I had. I didn’t know to what capacity or really how I could serve them, but I just knew that is what I was there to do. Which actually put me into a bit of a predicament because that wasn’t my assigned ministry. After explaining how I felt to my team, we embraced malleability and called a very intentional audible and changed up our plans for the month. We would be serving at 2 ministry sites with full force and splitting up the team. This decision led me to build a very large, very tall, stone retaining wall… When I found out that is how I was going to serve for the month, I was just kind of kicking myself because I knew what I had gotten myself into. At the same time, I knew something really-good would come of it.
Every day I’d wake up, throw on the same dirty clothes (so that I wouldn’t have to wash them because who has time for that?), and go to town building that wall. I don’t know if you know where Quito is located exactly on the globe, but to give you a hint, it rhymes with THE EQUATOR. It’s insanely hot. There were days it felt like I could reach out and smack the sun… I usually just wanted to give it a little love tap for scorching me all day. Long story short, for 10+ hours a day I’d wrestle boulders in the heat, stack rock, mix concrete, slap it all together, and bada-bing, bada-boom, the wall was made. I now have a great farmers tan, my pants are so stiff they can stand on their own, and I am in a big ditch of debt from all of the sunblock I had to borrow. I won’t go into too much detail on building that wall, because the cool parts of the story are the life lessons I was told while building it.
It didn’t really hit me until about the 3rd day in of building the wall, that being adaptable and intentional didn’t lead me to practice my landscaping skills. Instead, it opened the door for me to practice my LISTENING skills. This wall was in a very central location of the compound where a lot of people had to pass by. It was about 4 hours into my work day, and 2 conversations later that it dawned on me what HE was doing. Every day, as I would work, guys and gals either from my squad or just folks affiliated with the ministry would stop by to see what I was doing or ask if I needed a hand with anything (such great people!). I’d usually manage to grunt out a few words back to them, in-between gasping for breath and lugging stone up a makeshift ladder at 9,000ft elevation.
At first I just thought that people felt bad for me, because they would stick around, keep me company, and just tell me about their lives. Slowly it became clear that having conversations with someone when the only lingo you can send back is a head nod or a thumbs up isn’t always the most fun, but sometimes it is what is most greatly needed. While I was putting up a wall, people were dropping theirs, (catch my drift?). It was mandatory listening 101. No room for witty responses. No giving feedback. No need for advice. Strictly being entrusted with hearing out the deep-seated desires that are built into all humans since day one; being known and being loved. I heard life stories that took my breath away. Thoughts, ideas, and experiences so vastly unique that I couldn’t quite pin what it was that was keeping these individuals from sharing the exceptional traits and personalities that God gave them. Then this sad kind of light bulb went off in my head. We all fear rejection from previous exposure to shaming due to IMPATIENCE. At some point in my friends’ lives, they didn’t fit the mold that people wanted them too. (Luckily Jesus never fit this worlds mold).
When I was a kid I remember only a couple of things about going to the beach on family vacations. First, I remember the 7 hour treks from Arizona to Cali. Riding in the car with my 2 older brothers and younger sister, we always had such a blast screaming at the top of our lungs and tormenting each other (honestly, I don’t know how my parents maintained their sanity). And second, I remember being at the beach. Everything else around and in-between those 2 adventures I guess just didn’t make the cut for the memory bank; I’m just glad something made the highlight real. My siblings and I were typical kids. We loved getting dirty digging in the sand to see which mastermind could create something new. We dug holes to China, recreated the pyramids, and drew out some sand portraits that, safe to say, even Picasso would take a second glance at. Yet, out of all the talents, I can remember my favorite thing to do was build walls out of the sand. We would start a little further up on shore, allotting enough time before high tide rolled in. We would dig and dig, piling sand up sky-high, packing it down, and repeating the process literally hundreds of times. After it was all said and done, the four of us would stand back and watch the waves creep up on shore, waiting to see what the vastness of the ocean was made of. It was us against the world… and we lost every time… Our walls would get obliterated! But it was awesome and in some weird sense, it was so satisfying watching our walls get smashed down by brute force when the wave first hit, and then gently swept smooth to how we first found it after the rip pulled it back out.
The walls that people put up in in their lives are a lot like those walls I used to build when I was a kid; and they are most often erected because of words tossed around by others looking to have their needs met. Friends, family, acquaintances, sometimes even passers-by that hurl word-grenades out of frustration for not getting the results they want in whatever timely manner they think will suit their fancy. In response shame seeps in.
Shame is a powerful thing, completely unnecessary, but powerful none-the-less. Shame has the unique ability to blind us to the miracle of forgiveness. To make unsighted the fact that we have been redeemed by Jesus. Luckily, that is not the world that God intended us to live in. Even in the beginning, when the devil first tricked man into disobeying God and brought sin into the world, Adam and Eve ran and hid from God in their shame, (I’m paraphrasing, check out Genesis). You’ll find that God, in His gracious loving patience, clothes them. Unfortunately, we live in a world where, since day 1, it has become socially acceptable, if not encouraged, to shame people. Of course, in response to being shamed, just like the first man to walk the earth, we hide. We buy into the lie that we aren’t good enough and don’t want people to see us, who we are, or what we have been through. So, we dig deep into who we are, pile up traits other people seem to like, and pack it down to build walls; barricading ourselves inside so that we can’t get hurt again. In some cases, we even search for more material from the affirmation of man to pack onto our walls; looking to the world for how they would change us so that we will be more liked. We are doomed to repeat the process hundreds of times. Unless we realize that Jesus is the WAVE; ready to crumble our foundationless walls and restore us to how He sees us instead of how the world does.
The patient love that Jesus set as a model for us is completely unconventional to our worldly standards, and for us, demands a straining change. A change of the heart. I don’t know why it is that, as humans we have the skill to see ourselves at the center of everyone else’s lives. I’ll just leave it chalked up to one of those mysteries of God, teaching us lessons when inadvertently we have no clue what’s going on until we look for it. But it’s true. We as humans have the uncanny ability to put ourselves first before others, almost never taking into account what is going on in their lives. UNLESS, we are intentional about loving them better. Because Jesus is intentional, and Jesus is love, hence – love is intentional.
If we are deliberate about getting to know someone and where they come from, taking the time to actually listen, we have the exceptional chance to glimpse behind the curtain of façade to see why people are the way they are. To view what life experiences have shaped them into who they are today. To understand why they function the way they do; what drives them, what bugs them, or what keeps them up at night. Granting the chance to speak TRUTH into their lives. First, that means that we must step out of our own spotlight in order to let the Lord do ACTUAL work WITHIN people.
It’s easy to use this thought of getting to know a person truly and run with it in the direction of a means to manipulate. Jesus takes it as means to love incredibly. The idea here is NOT to look into someone’s life and interject on how they could be living it better, or try to change them. At the end of the day God created us and He knows who we are and is working within us IF we seek after Him, so who are we to try to change that? Rather, the intent should be to take this newfound insight and use it to connect with scripture so we can improve our own hearts. For example, if there is someone that is doing something that is driving you nuts, a pet peeve if you will, I think it is safe to say that at least 90% of the population would tell that person to stop or change what they are doing. If we think about it, isn’t that to satisfy our own desires? Instead, we should be looking inside ourselves and beg the question, “Why does that annoy me so much?” We should look at how we can change our own hearts to love better, because isn’t that being at the center of God’s will for our lives?
Here’s the thing… As Christians, we are held to a higher standard… and should be setting the example for what loving our neighbor looks like, preventing walls at all costs. The Bible tells us to be slow to speak and quick to listen for a reason (James 1:19). God knows that we are too quick to open our mouths to try to change people. If the mouth is an overflow of the heart, shouldn’t our mouths be patient? (Luke 6:45) James 3:1-12 warns us of the dangerous capabilities of the tongue. The problem is we are crafty in getting what we want and find loopholes; dressing up phrases a bit to make it seem like we are coming out of a loving place. We say things like we are just, “calling people to something higher.” If we’re being honest, that is just a polite way to say, “Hey, I see something in you that doesn’t jive with me and I want you to change.”
This misconception of “helping” someone has been handed down for generations. “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.” Colossians 2:8… If someone is believing lies about themselves and need to be told some truth, ABSOLUTELY they should be reminded of who they are in CHRIST, and who He designed them to be; it is an honor to use scripture in situations like that to defeat evil. Jesus changed lives by the way He walked out His life here on earth. People would see Him, how He carried Himself, how He treated people, and they would question their own walk- changing their hearts without any words implied…
Something I learned from watching how Mabe and Fabi interacted with each other in Ecuador, was how in-tune they were with one another. By even a subtle shift in the mood of the other, an immediate reaction of love followed. Not by words expressing how the other upset them, but from one having the insatiable desire for the other never to feel even a hint of pain. I mean, ponder it with me for a hot sec with that mindset. Think of any “feedback” scenario in your life; if words weren’t spoken, wouldn’t the person STILL change IF their hearts were open to growing in Christ’s likeness (God’s will for our lives)? They will be constantly in tune with their surroundings/relationships and looking daily for how they can improve. If they are in tune with the Spirit they will see the minor changes in people’s moods and how the things they do affect others and they will change… You’ve heard it said, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17) – FACT. But, we need to understand that iron only sharpens iron if there is iron to be sharpened; only if BOTH people are intensely searching to love as the Lord did. Thankfully, it’s not our job to convict hearts, it’s the Holy Spirit’s.
So, when is it beneficial to use our words to lend a helping hand? Well, if we follow the example of Jesus, scripture tells us when someone is lost from truth. “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.” (Matthew 18:15). If a person sins against you, they have forgotten that this life is about love and could probably use a soft reminder how God sees them. Scripture also depicts multiple instances where Jesus has to call out false teachers that are leading others astray off the path of love. It is important for us to remember in situations like these 1 Peter 3:15, “But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have, but do this with gentleness and respect.” GENTLENESS and RESPECT, because that is who we are representing; a gentle God that respects us enough to be patient and kind in all conditions.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29
God gives us free will. In doing so He is saying, “you choose”. We get to choose the path of our lives and the ability to be “called higher” BY Him. Jesus taught crowds in parables. He gave people the knowledge. It’s up to us to connect our heads to our hearts. He didn’t call out things in people that they needed to change except for, “go and sin no more”(John 8:11). He didn’t say to Peter or Andrew “Hey, I see some things about you that you need to improve on…”. He said, “Come and follow me” (Matthew 4:19)… that’s it. We have the choice to follow His example. He taught in PARABLES so that those who TRULY desire Him would search high and low, day and night for the truth in His word, Matthew 13:10-16. To call OURSELVES higher through Him and the way He lived. So, that those who were trying to take the easy way out couldn’t hang. He wanted them INVESTED. “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm- neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” Revelation 3:15-16. Same goes for today. As Christians, we are presented with truth every day in God’s word. The choice is ours to be constantly searching to change ourselves to be more like Jesus. It is up to us to walk out perfect LOVE- so that others may be inspired to change their hearts from what they see, not by what they hear.
Perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18), including the fear of what will happen if we don’t SAY things to others that we think might improve relationships or whatever else the case may be. But the fact of the matter is that WE should LOVE each other enough to be constantly looking for how we can change to LOVE better and improve relationships. By patience, by being intentional, by the Spirit.. that’s what Jesus intended. Complacency isn’t a thing when following Jesus, because if we aren’t searching for growth in Christ likeness, are we truly concerned with Gods will for our lives?..
“I used to want to change people, now I just want to be with them.” Bob Goff
