Psalm 137:4
“How can we sing the songs of the Lord while in a foreign land?”
I thought I was a lion.
After all I’ve been through, after all the growth, after so much change I thought I was past this.
I was getting ready to roar, but a simple question, followed by a simple thought exposed myself to be a little lion man, not the leader of the pride.
Masked insecurities still haunt the halls of my heart.
When I’m quiet, I can hear their echoes coming up from the empty rooms I thought I let God into.
I guess I thought wrong.
I thought I had a backbone, but a slight nudge disproves my belief and I crumble.
That’s not who I am, I’m a lion!
I thought I knew that…
I see flashes of greatness in the depths of my being, but being as it were, my lion heart lies dormant.
How can I look them in the eyes when I can’t even look into my own?
I see a champion, but he sulks near the edge of shadows so as to leap into the cover of darkness when someone gets too close.
He’s a giant captive to a small mindset of himself.
If only he knew.
If only he would open the door.
Think of what he would become!
He would shake the earth with his roar, if he would just open his fucking mouth and shout the lies away.
He has been given power, but he conceals it behind locked doors, down deep where no one can find it.
It has resided there so long, he doesn’t remember where it is or what it is.
It’s lost…
But then a Greater Force is seen treading upon the mountain heights, singing a brilliant life-song.
The notes, pulsating with vitality, pursue the lion through his attempts to flee from the truth.
They invade the shroud of gloom and pierce the weak beat of his heart.
He can’t hide who he is.
The song sweeps through the long, twisted maze of halls, setting ablaze the expanse of rooms previously unexplored by the radiance.
Kicking down the door of potential, liberating passion is released into my body, transported through my bloodstream.
My teeth have been sharpened.
I’m ready.
The craving for meat, for substance, for what’s real is overwhelming.
I’m being summoned higher-
Into His kingdom.
Into His glory.
My God is a lion, He’s THE lion.
And He rips through flesh and bone to get to one thing-
The heart.
That’s what He’s after and after so much pain and laboring in vain, finally I’ve had enough.
It hurts to be torn apart, but it will hurt a lot more to refuse Him.
So I let Him pounce.
He slashes, exposing my bloodied chest.
My heart thumps vulnerably in the open air.
I’m not devoured though; no I’m met with a breath.
King Lion breathes life into me.
His warm breath melts my frozen heart.
Made new, it beats faster and harder than before, pumping fresh blood through my stiff limbs.
Revitalized, I’m stitched up.
The Lion leads this lion to open spaces, where I can run free in lush pastures.
With love so great He will do anything to get to the heart, even if it means I get slashed open with a big, loving paw so He can forgive the neglect and make new my spirit.
I thought I was a lion…
And then I became one.
