God, I don’t understand! Why are we still in the city. You know I hate the city. I was expecting more adventure and excitement. You know me, I rather go up the mountains and see the beauty you created for us. . . .
Where do I start?
Expedition is not like the Highlight Reel we watched before we decided to go on this trip.
Month 1 – Month 4 was to Indonesia, Thailand, Burma, and India. Has Been Easy.Way too easy.
For the first time in my whole life, I felt God cry in my heart. I felt him cry. Why are you crying Lord?
Here is my thoughts on expedition so far,
This has not been physically, emotionally, or mentally challenging for me.
I wanted to go on long trekking missions and find remote villages where people has never been to where the gospel has never been shared. I wanted to live outside in a tent and climb Mount Everest. I wanted to leave safety and hit the hardcore life of a missionary to learn how to depend on the Father for everything. I wanted to be tested and challenged to my greatest limits. I wanted to see a new level of my potential and live it out not just talk about it but doing it. Lord, I find this so easy, too easy! I been training for 20 years. As my mother and father has been preparing me to go since I was born. Remember when I served in the church as a janitor and watched others go into the mission field while I was forced to watch and wait. Remember when I was training for 4 years in the army to one day be mentally tough and physically ready for the day you called me into the 10/40 window. This is not in my pride that I say this but it is my heart that I am sharing that I am not happy with how this expedition seems far from my expectation of the how I spent working, training, wrestling, watching, crying, preparing, and running.
I than felt a cry in my soul. I felt a uneasy weak sorrow. My expectations was blinding me from seeing God’s Heart. I began to hear others in the squad make some similar comments. They were trying to either lower their expectations or try to find ways to express their disappointment in a joking way. I knew something. I knew the Father’s Heart. I knew he was sad to have heard his children saying how easy this is been and how disappointed we are. I realized that expedition is been something God has been planning for a long long time. I have come to now see how he has helped us in all of our troubles. How he has protected us from all the chaos. How he put his hand on team Beautiful Left Overs when they were in what could of been a fatal accident. I realized now how he is the reason why this journey seems so easy. It was His blessing on us. But we as a squad had EXPED-TATIONS that where not realistic.
I will be dropping my expectations for what I wanted expedition to be. I will be learning to be content. To enjoy what the Lord is doing. Actually we are in Nepal where I have a feeling things are going to be different from what I wanted but will some how align perfectly to God’s will and will blow our expectations out of the water… Only If I knew this before. Expedition is meant to challenge us in that very way. To drop our expectation and follow Christ at all cost even if it means never seeing the beauty of the highest mountain peak in the world.
