My friend Caitlin just left for Antigua, Guatemala to squad lead D Squad. She is awesome. Check out her blog at caitlinparker.theworldrace.org. Anyway, she recently posted a blog that asked the question: what is the cry of your heart? Here is a snippet of her blog:
"It was month 3 of my race, in the Philippines, when Robby Riggs, my original squad leader, looked us each in the eye and asked, “What is the cry of your heart?” I remember sitting there, almost stunned by the depth and significance of the words he spoke. The next few days, this question was tossed back and forth in my spirit and mind as I strained to answer. The truth was, in that season, I didn't know what the cry of my heart was, what it beat for moment by moment. I was a passionate person going through life without an intentional focus to all that I had to offer. I was a person who had influence and the ability to impact those around me, but I lacked a focused vision, thus making me scattered and ineffective. Everyone has something in them that drives them, that makes them get up everyday, a reason and purpose that they are on this earth, and yet I had never taken the time consider what that was for me personally."
Like Caitlin, I have never really considered that question. What is the cry of my heart? I think it is something that is continually changing. The season of life I am in is one of waiting, and trying to have faith. In a little over a month, our apartment lease is up, and we don't have a definite place to live. We have lots of friends and family that wouldn't let us be homeless, but there are just not any ideal situations at the moment. And that is scary. A friend posted a facebook status that said: faith: taking the next step when you can't see the rest of the staircase. That is very much the way I feel right now. I have no idea what the next few months will look like for us, but I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that taking that step of faith is what we are supposed to do.
That is what has been taking up much of my thoughts lately. Also, a less than ideal situation at work, but I won't go into that. So at the moment, I would say the cry of my heart would be for peace. Peace of mind. But taking risks and stepping out in faith sometimes is not very peaceful at all. The satisfaction of knowing that what you are doing is right, is what you are called to do, and is fulfilling your purpose can bring deep peace to the soul. But the decision to take that step, and the seemingly slow motion action before your foot reaches the ground of that step often can be filled with doubt and turmoil. My heart is crying for that deep peace. It will come, but it's hard to see it from this side.
My heart also cries out to love people. I know that sounds silly and generic, but I really do. I love to hear people's stories. They are always filled with love and pain, light and dark. I really believe that we go through trials to help others. I want to be the listener, the link that guides someone from their place of pain and despair to the Healer. No wound is too deep, no heart is too broken for Him to heal. I want to be the person who provides the emotional place of refuge for the girl who was found herself trapped in the cycle of selling herself to survive, to the street boy who has had to grow up too fast, to the friend who has experienced loss and pain beyond what most have. There is a lot of pain and darkness in the world, yes, but there is also unending love and joy. We have the capacity to love others beyond ourselves. To be the vessels of God's love to the world.
That is the cry of my heart.
