Have you ever had a moment when you really feel in the moment, and that you are truly living? Like everything else fades away, your senses are heightened, and you realize that you have just been coasting along physically and mentally, until this moment.
I have those occasionally.
Josh and I were driving home from having dinner with a friend earlier, and we had the windows down, the sun was setting beautifully, Michael W. Smith's orchestral album Glory was on the radio, and I was floating my arm out the window.
I've known since I was little that I wasn't made for a desk job. I've never been able to imagine myself in the same job, in the same place for 10 years, let alone 30. If you ask my parents, they can tell you that I have always been a very passionate person. I don't settle for things as they are. I dream. Then I do them.
One of my worst fears is being trapped. Not a physical claustrophobia (although I'm not fond of that either), but a mental one. The idea of not living out my dreams, of not being used to my full potential to make a difference in the lives of people around me because I am settling for comfort or security in a job or a situation makes me shudder.
In contrast, I live for those moments. But it's weird, because I don't realize I've slipped away from them until I stumble upon a new one. And it's like I have just splashed my face with cool water, waking me up.
It's thrilling. It's exciting. I think, this is what I was made for. I wasn't made to be someone who settles, someone who goes through life just to get to the next day.
My moments come from service, meaningful relationships with others, and by sensing and feeling the environment around me. I joke that Josh is a ponderer, and I am a feeler. Josh has a crazy memory for events from the past, but he doesn't take in quite as much information about the present, because he is too busy pondering what happened yesterday, or the conversation two minutes ago.
I'm the opposite. I have a not so great memory of past events. After about a month or so, they go a little fuzzy around the edges, until they end up eventually fading. More than anything, I remember how I felt about the event more than the event itself. As for the present, I take in a crazy amount of information about the environment, situation, people, determine how I feel about it, and then take appropriate action.
The thought of these moments being my everyday life brings me incredible joy. It is one of the reasons why I am so excited about the Race, and a life of missions in general. I am so ready to wake up. The routine of get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch tv, go to bed, repeat, repeat, repeat, puts me to sleep. I did that for at least a year, and it was the emptiest, the most hollow I have felt.
While I am a big proponent of the lifestyle that Josh and I have chosen, I understand that it is not for everyone. The world would be a very boring place if everyone did the same thing.
I am, however, saying that you should do what you do, and do it passionately. If what you are doing isn't fulfilling, don't be afraid to dream, and to make those dreams reality. God has given us passions and strengths so we can use them.
Maybe you experience moments in the sound of your child's laughter. Maybe it's through the creation of something. Maybe it is by providing for your family, teaching the next generation, or by providing people with goods or services.
Whatever it is, live for those moments. I'm pretty sure no kindergartener says they want to be a robot when they grow up.
I know that eventually, while on the Race, the newness will wear off and it will become everyday life, and I will find myself drifting off to sleep again. But, I know that I will still find those moments, and they will remind me why I am doing what I am doing.
What are your moments? What makes you come to life?
