This is one of those blogs. One that is really hard to write. One that I have had to psych myself up for, and to convince myself that there is nothing else to do than to have my heart bleed through my fingers on the keys.
When Josh and I signed up for the Race, we knew it was going to be hard. We knew we were going to have to make sacrifices, and I was ready and willing. Until it came to one thing: my cats. I was not sure what we were going to do with them while we were gone, but, like every other unknown we have had to face, I tried to have faith that it would work out, and an opportunity would present itself.
Many people have asked me, "Can't one of your families keep them for you?" While they would love to, they simply can't. My father in law is severely allergic to cats, and he has had asthma attacks from just being at our apartment for too long. My parents can't either, because they already have 4 cats and a dog.
We moved out of our apartment at the end of February, and the plan was to stay with Josh's parents for about 2 weeks, and then move in with a friend, where we would be able to have the cats with us. In the meantime, they were going to stay with another friend for a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, moving in with our friend fell through, and we are still at Josh's parents' house, and the cats are still at our other friend's house, 3 months later. The friends that are taking care of them are understandably ready for them to move on, as they have lots of other dogs and cats at their house, and it was only supposed to be for a couple of weeks. I have been frantically searching for alternatives, and asking literally everyone I know, but the only option that might work is a 12 hour drive away in Colorado, and they are worried that if our cats and their cats don't get along, that there won't be a plan B, so Colorado is a last resort. Also, a 12 hour drive with 3 cats is not a fun day.
For awhile, I was not even willing to give up the idea of spending the last few months before we left with them. At this point, I am willing to give that up, if that means that they will be taken care of while we are gone. I still can't even process the idea of giving them away. I think that would literally break my heart. It has been so frustrating and discouraging because I have asked, cried, pleaded with God to work something out, and so far, it seems not only like silence, but that pretty much every door has been closed. I feel like Abraham, after he has learned that God wanted him to sacrifice Isaac.
22 Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!”
“Here I am,” he replied.
2 Then God said, “Take your son , your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you. ”
Wait, what? You mean the one that I hold most dear? Surely not, God. Is that really what You are saying?
3 Early the next morning Abraham got up and loaded his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. 4 On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. 5 He said to his servants, “Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you. ”
I can imagine that during this journey, he was trying to stay calm on the outside, for Isaac's sake, but on the inside, his soul was crying out. Why would you ask this of me, God? You know how important he is to me! He's my son!
6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, 7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, “Father?”
“Yes, my son?” Abraham replied.
“The fire and wood are here,” Isaac said, “but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?”
8 Abraham answered, “God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them went on together.
Isaac still doesn't know what is going on. All he knows is that he trusts his father, and that he wouldn't do anything to harm him.
9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. 10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.
At his point, Isaac knows what his father intends to do. He is scared and confused. Tears pour down Abraham's face, as he raises the knife and finally lets out the torment of his soul. He loves his son. He has wished for him for years and years. He brings him joy, laughter, smiles, fulfillment, peace. A promise for a future of descendants. And he is about to give all of that up. Because God asked him to. He doesn't understand, but he does know that God has a bigger plan, although it seems obedience will cost him the thing that makes his world go round. And so he begins to bring the knife down to his son.
11 But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”
“Here I am,” he replied.
12 “Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son. ”
13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a rama] caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. a] caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. 14 So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided. ”
He was stopped just in time. He can barely choke out the words, "Here I am!" God has provided a ram to sacrifice, instead of Isaac, because He knows that Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son in obedience to Him.
The Lord will provide. I try to remember that. The Lord will provide. But, from this side, it seems as though I am being asked to sacrifice (give away) my cats, and my heart cannot bear it. It is one of those things that is too painful to think about, so your mind tiptoes around it. Keep it locked away, and maybe you won't have to face it.
But I must face it. This is THE hardest thing about the World Race for me, even more than fundraising. Giving away my stuff was fun and freeing. Sacrificing comforts will be an adventure. My family understands and supports me. My cats can't understand. They don't know why I have left them at another house, and they will eventually (and have already started to) forget me after I am gone.
We are already sacrificing so much to be obedient, so why does He want me to sacrifice the ones (besides my human family) that are closest to my heart?
Maybe He will provide a ram in the bushes for me. Or maybe He really will ask me to give them away.
Honestly, I am definitely not to the point where I have surrendered everything, and I am not willing to make that journey up to the altar, and to raise the knife.
Please, if you or anyone you know would be willing to foster our cats, starting now and until we return to the States in June of next year, please let me know. Email me at [email protected], find me and message me on Facebook, or leave me a comment here. I am willing to drive them states away, if that will be what is needed to make sure they are taken care of. I love them so much, and I can tell you from experience, it is great to be the one being blessed by someone, but it is even better to be the one giving the blessing.
***Update 5/2: We have found someone to foster Willow (the tabby)! I am soooo thankful for the generosity and empathy everyone has shown us in this situation. Desmond (the flamepoint siamese) and Moo (the tuxedo) still need a foster home, and it would be great if they could stay together, because they are bffs. Thanks!***
P.S. Our first financial deadline is this Saturday, May 5th. We are in need of about $3,200 in order to leave in July. If you would like to support us financially, please click the Support Us tab on the left, or you can send a check to:
Adventures In Missions
P.O. Box 534470
Atlanta, GA 30353-4470
Make sure to write "The World Race-Josh and Jen Mendenhall" on the memo line, so they know which account to put the money in. Please also email me, because sometimes it takes several days for donations to process, that way we can let them know that the money is on its way. Thank you!
