I have been hearing from God loudly this month . . .
which really means I was listening more then ever to God this month.
which really means I was listening more then ever to God this month.
The beginning of this month was very different from anything I could have imagined. I was recovering from a high stream of Malaria followed by a bacterial blood infection. During the first week here in Malawi, the 200ft walk to the bathroom from our tent would leave me exhausted and require me to immediately lay down for a while to recover. I didn’t even have the strength to wash my hair in the shower, and sadly going into the villages for door-to-door ministry wasn’t something my body could handle. It was humbling and disheartening.
I love ministry. Loving on people is my favorite thing in the world to do.
Being immobilized is my worst nightmare. Why was God allowing this? We left everything in America to share God’s love to the nations. Now I was in Africa and wasn’t able to leave with my team to do what we came here to do.
I am an extremely active person. I have been an athlete all of my life. Dance is my expression. For the last 20 years dance has been a part of my life almost every single day in some capacity. Before the world race I spent my days either teaching dance, setting choreography on dancers, dancing as worship in church or in my home, working as a dancer for tv/stage/film, or performing with dance companies as a professional dancer.
Moving is what I do. Sitting still is hard for me. I have enjoyed the months on the race where we have done labor-intensive projects because I love to be active and use every limb for God’s glory. Every part of me wants to move when I worship and I love the feeling of using every inch of myself to passionately praise God.
I felt like I was letting my team down by not being by their side. I felt like I was disappointing my supporters who have funded our journey. I shared my heart with my Father and I heard a voice say, “Be still and know that I am God.”
That phrase has been the theme of my month.
At first it drove me crazy to be still for such long periods of time but finally my cabin fever broke and I gave in to the renewal that the Father insisted on taking place. I have spent most of my time talking, learning, and growing with God. My days were spent listening to worship music and praising Him from my bed, crying out with my voice and with my soul telling him how much I love him. I normally worship through movement so this was completely new territory for me.
At first it drove me crazy to be still for such long periods of time but finally my cabin fever broke and I gave in to the renewal that the Father insisted on taking place. I have spent most of my time talking, learning, and growing with God. My days were spent listening to worship music and praising Him from my bed, crying out with my voice and with my soul telling him how much I love him. I normally worship through movement so this was completely new territory for me.
This was small, still, and gentle. Sometimes loud but often quiet.
God also taught me the power and importance of intercession. Although I’ve prayed all of my life, this month in Malawi I have seen the true power in whole-hearted, focused prayers motivated by love. God doesn’t need me out in the villages to heal, comfort, and provide for people in need. (Pride alert!)
That is HIS job.
(Since HE is creator of the universe and what not)
Big slice of humble pie for Bekah coming right up.
I’ve realized how blessed I am to be along for the ride of how God is moving. I saw the fruit that came from covering my teammates, our friends back home, and the people of Malawi in prayer. I watched God do the impossible without lifting one of my fingers. God even opened doors for me to bless and share Him with people that were living at the hostel where we were for the month. God is still taking me through this season of humility. How prideful I was to think that I was “failing” at “making a difference because I wasn’t out and about like everyone else. In our weakness he displays his strength.
Slowly I am regaining my strength and I am so grateful when God gives me his help to do small tasks.
His ways are higher than our ways. His foolishness is beyond our greatest wisdom. He has us all right where we are for a reason. I’m ok with not knowing the plan or seeing the big picture. I am clay in the potter’s hands. He molds me and remolds me into new things. His big hands are exactly where I want to be.
