When you let prayer never cease, eventually God will answer your prayers. Maybe not the way you would have imagined it or in your time, but they will be answered. Even if the prayer is to not wake up the next morning or to just somehow have life taken away from you.
For years I was wrapped up in drug and alcohol addiction. I was doing things to myself and others that completely tore me apart on the inside. Growing up in a church I always had it in the back of my mind that there was some kind of god out there, but with a drug and alcohol consumed mind I kept trying to justify that He wasn’t real or he wouldn’t let me suffer like I was.
However, on nights I layed in bed in an intoxicated and desperate state of mind, when all the thoughts of the people I hurt or let down come pouring in to my mind, I acknowledged God. These nights were more often than not near the end of my addiction. I would ask God, with every fiber of my being, to end the self inflicted hell I was in. When I woke up the next morning I would be more assured that God was not real because he couldn’t answer the only prayer I’ve ever desperately asked for. So instead of trying to change, I would numb out the anger, regret, guilt, and depression with more drugs and more alcohol, and the cycle started all over again.
While in my second rehab, at the end of my rope physically and mentally, I was about to give up and run away. Now this rehab was a twohour DRIVE from my town and I planned on leaving on foot. With my suitcase on my bed, tears in my eyes, the only thoughts running through my head were “what am I supposed to do?!!” and “where do I go?!!”. All of the sudden, an overwhelming feeling of calmness came over me and the thought of “STAY” was the only thing going through my head now.
So I stayed! And luckily for me, this was a Christian based rehab and my counselor was very strong in his faith. So the very next day we spoke of Jesus and how real he truly is. To this day I believe that God truly answered my prayers to die. I am no longer the lying, manipulative, angry, thief that I used to be. I invision that person still sitting and crying on the bedroom florr of that rehab. As it says in (Galatians2:20) “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me”.
Even the desperate prayer of death God will answer. But he will only answer it the way He would have it. I had to be completely drained before I could be made full and I am ok with that. Even though I had to do some terrible things and feel terrible feelings, it lead me to a relationship with Christ that I never thought was possible. It was all in His plan so he could reveal true grace and mercy on me that He knew I could not say no to.
