I went through a few interview processes with the Apple Store and everything seemed to be going swimmingly, they were going to start me at a position higher than what I even applied for and it seemed like such a positive and uplifting work environment, and the managers were gospel-centered Christians even! Apple really invests into their employees, with monthly private meetings with them and extensive training and communication with them to make sure everyone is on the same page and getting such a healthy work environment. Because of this, I thought I would be morally dishonest to be hired on false pretense that I would be there more than 6 months while I leave for the World Race (with the intention of returning when I come back). Me leaving for the race in 6 months was the determining factor of why I did not get the job at the Apple Store.
And it is well with my soul, I understand, and if I were in their situation I would probably do the same thing.
I’ve got several job opportunities and offers at other restaurants in Denton or Dallas, however I don’t think switching from one restaurant to another would really change anything. The atmosphere and temptation at work would still be the same. I’ve talked to my managers for the third or fourth time on this specific issue of disrespect and vulgarity at work to the point now where I cannot work double shifts in a row anymore, I just mentally cannot do it. Now, I haven’t really talked about what’s been going on at work except for in private, but I assure you it isn’t a simple here and there comment or even someone saying GD or something, it’s blatant disrespect to others (including me) and over-the-top details, accusations, and propositions on the sexual activities and social lives of my fellow employees that is really what is driving me to breaking points. I know it seems silly, but on top of spiritual warfare and fund-raising full time, and also my home group recently breaking up it’s just a lot to handle without support whenever I feel that there isn’t really people I can count on at work. There are a few coworkers who I love and adore and fully support, but during there are also a lot of my coworkers in my environment who just bring me down and drive me to a breaking point.
In Ben Patterson’s book, Muscular Faith, he writes of the concept that no sin is isolated to one’s own being. Your sin affects more than yourself. Your faith affects more than yourself also. We can see this example with Joshua 7, where the Lord tells the Israelites that after they destroy Jericho to not steal anything. This guy named Achan does steal something. And as a result, whenever Israelite fought the small army of the next podunk town (the City of Ai), 36 Israelite men were killed. While in the battle of Jericho no Israelite men were killed. It was humiliating and embarrassing to Israel for that to happen. Achan stole one small item, and as a result of his sin 36 men died. That’s crazy and we are so self-centered to never think that our sin affects more than ourselves. I know I forget that often.
Another example is directly related to my work environment. Whenever my coworkers blatantly disrespect me or those around me, it brings the entire mood down. Work productivity slows and the atmosphere grows dark. Say if you work a double shift and hear nothing but that for the whole day, and then your wicked, human heart deals with it by finding comfort in idols? Then your sin, expressed or shown to others causes others to sin. Now it isn’t your responsibility that those others are sinning, sort of. I still believe we are causing people to be stumbling blocks. And I feel that whenever I work a double shift at my job after being exposed to such darkness consistently all day I tend to, in my sinful heart, run to idols for comfort rather than to Jesus. Because I often don’t believe that Jesus is enough or that he will comfort me. I believe and know he is enough and can comfort me, but if I were to be honest my heart often forgets.
I believe, help my unbelief.
However, this would be the same with any restaurant. And I cannot get another job outside of restaurant before I leave, but also in the next 5 months before I leave I will be gone for at least a week each month anyways. So, although for a while I felt as if I were trapped under ice, losing hope and endurance, I am pressing on because this isn’t about me. The apostles in Acts write that in Asia they grew weary to the point that they longed for death. They were worn out, beaten, and broken by trying to rely on Christ and their own strength. There is nothing in me that wants to do this on my own, and I cannot. Only through Jesus am I able to do anything worth living for, worth dying for. I mean, I often get distracted and rely on my own strength, but that’s a fool’s errand. Only Jesus can provide for this trip, only Jesus can help me endure at work or through any trial and situation. Whether I am hungry or full, whether I am rich or poor, sick or healthy. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me, right? So. Strengthen me. Please. Pray that I only rely on him in this season and that he does strengthen me, because often I feel like I have a glass jaw.
Things are good. Not easy, and not necessarily joyful, but good.
Please pray for this whole situation. Pray for me and pray for my friends at work.
I’m trying to be really honest with this whole situation, and feel insecure about exposing my own sin and wicked tendencies and feel insecure about being somewhat honest on a public forum about what’s been going on at work. I wouldn’t want to be hurting anyone or to be judged for what’s going on. But. I’d rather be honest than bottle it up.
Thanks for your support.
Also an update on fundraising, I only need about $3,500 more and I’ll be fully fundraised (pledged)! That means just 3 more people donating $100 a month, or 6 at $50, and I will be fully fundraised if everyone continues to give what they pledged monthly by April 2015. That’s so rad! There is provision and there is fruit. And a few of my coworkers are now actively coming to the Village Church with me. So there is fruit, which is also probably why the enemy is turning up his game against me whether at work or in my personal life. Spiritual warfare is bananas right now. The struggle is real.
