I am currently in a valley of volcanoes in Nicaragua. We haven’t had internet in a week. My days on this trip start early, mostly before the crack of 7am. Last night I stayed up the latest of everyone, and I turned off the lights after doing the most masculine thing I could think of: watching the Devil Wears Prada (movie, not band). Here was my day yesterday: we woke up early and had group breakfast (all of our meals here are in a family setting), we cleaned for a bit, then went out to speak to the neighbors. We literally just went door to door chatting to people, and the person I was with (James but pronounced Hi-Me), just started spouting out the gospel.
This older woman and two teens wanted to accept Christ and he led them in prayer to accept Christ. Then we found out the teens weren’t brother and sister but were living together, sleeping together. James told these people he just met and who expressed interest in submission to God (whether or not it was true salvation, only God knows… America has made me a skeptic). He sat with them for an hour and talked to them about why they should get married, they didn’t want to. She was about 4’10” and 16, and he was 19. They had been living together for over a year, her family disowning them. Dirt floors, rusted walls, trash on the ground with starved dogs running about yipping at us. I’m murdered out in black on black with a backwards snap back and a Kublai Khan shirt, arms exposed and just soaking in the experience. It was interesting. The bluntness of it. The mother agreed with everything James said. It turns out through the conversation that their relationship was already on the rocks and that he was hitting her.
We went house to house more. We met this yahoo named William. It’s strange, everyone has dirt floors and holes in the walls of their homes without doors, but they all have really nice cell phones, like Androids. No one has iphones here except doctors or people in tourist towns. William used this analogy, that he was a believer but wanted to learn more. He said that he doesn’t want someone to make him a milkshake and hand it to him, he wants to know what is in the milkshake and how to make it. He wants to learn to read scripture and dive into it himself.
This is all with a translator. James. Who is a local missionary who moved here from Mexico with his American wife, but has mexican heritage, Monica. They have hosted us this last week and moved here to start Campo Gonia. Which means Solid-Rock Camp. A 9 month program to help men get off substances such as drugs and alcohol and get their life right with the lord. The program has a bible college, strict rules to work at the camp, and a re-emersion program. They started one that is fully functioning and self-sustaining in Mexico and now they live in Nicaragua to do the same here. They aren’t just going door to door and leaving, they are here and staying here and hosting a bible study (tonight) and often have breakfast for their neighbors and are really involved with the peoples lives here. No TV, no dvds, no internet. It’s a strange way of life. Simpler.
It makes me wonder if the people here should be emulated back home. That wherever I live next, to literally love my neighbors and invite them over for barbecues, share the gospel with them, or just invest in their lives. I did this a little in Denton but even whenever some of them expressed an interest in church I often times just focused things around my relationship at the time and not sticking true to my word and going with them at the time I said I would.
The people here also are so used to ants and bugs crawling on them they just have them all over their feet and don’t even mind or notice. A lot of people here lately have been dying of Kidney failure. Within a few weeks of discovering they have kidney failure they die. We met a man a few days ago who one of the missionaries told me is probably not going to make it. It’s hypothesized that the mortality rate is so high because of the sulphur from the volcanoes and the fact that locals here just don’t drink water. Ever. They drink juice but no one knows to drink water, so everyone here is dehydrated.
What a gift it is to have running and fresh, clean water. I haven’t had water from a faucet since we left America back at September 6th.
We later met a woman who professed desire to know Christ, who was actually very beautiful. She had a little boy and told us about how she had never heard of the Lord before or anything about the Gospel. Taylor, a woman on my team, witnessed to her the story of her past. It turns out Araliesa, I’m not sure how to spell it as it is not a common name and she herself doesn’t know anyone else with that name. Pronounced Air-A-Lease-Uh. Very beautiful name. Araliesa did not have a relationship with her actual father, who has disowned her. Likewise with Taylor, however Taylor found a relationship with God the Father and shared that story. It was really neat. During this conversation, I saw a group of young boys under the age of ten, one was yelling at the smallest and pulled out his belt to beat him. As he was hitting him, I began walking hastily towards them angry at what was happening and they stopped. They knew what was up and they just acted normal. I didn’t say anything and walked back. Frustrated and concerned. Taylor thinks they learned it from their parents.
In the last week here I have been in several rain storms, my first earth quake, had a spider monkey named Lola sit in my lap (and put her paw in a pretty questionable spot on my upper thigh… she also had her baby spider monkey on her back. with its tiny tail wrapped around its mother’s tail.), surfed down a volcano overlooking the Pacific Ocean, wreck terrible on the way down, then as we got to the bottom get trapped there with half of my friends up on the volcano and the other half at the bottom during a flash rain storm (I was of the first two to go down my side). I told my story to a group of men who are recovering from substance abuse with a translator. Slow and steady. Whenever you speak with a translator, you have to think about what you say because it takes such a long time to communicate. Sure, they could speak in paraphrase but if they are translating sentence by sentence, thought by thought, it takes time. And yesterday I saw three local people become Christians as our friend Jaime gave his story to them.
It’s been pretty nuts. It’s actually been pretty hard as well. I’m learning a lot about myself in this trip, about who I am and why I behave the way I do. There is surprisingly a grand amount of introspection that happens here, really digging in.
I’ve come to realize that because the way the women in my family have treated me in the past and present, I have sought validation through girls and women our age through physical or emotional affection. Unintentionally using them to fulfill that void that happens whenever a mother or sister figure doesn’t express healthy love to you. It creates a hole, much like for a woman whenever her father isn’t there for her she often finds love and value in the men she is with. That one came literally out of the blue. I was in a hostel in Granda, Nicaragua, and this one of our female coaches from the Race started talking to me and asking me about my mother. Within an hour this light bulb went off in my head.
We carry these wounds in our hearts from the past. Let’s pretend you were hurt by someone and that hurt represents a cut on your arm. Normally, if someone brushed against your arm it isn’t a big deal. But if you have a pretty deep cut on your arm and someone brushed against it, unknowingly or even with slight pressure, it would hurt you pretty bad. Your natural reaction would be to back away, remove yourself, or be vocal about how what just happened hurt. Whether or not you know about the deeper wound, you did know about the present pain that you just received from the person walking by you.
This is really about that.
The pain we carry is really about pain in the past being expressed in the present. That is why forgiveness is so powerful. “Whenever we forgive someone,” as my pastor Beau would say at the Village Church in Denton, “we are letting a prisoner go. And finding out that prisoner was us.” He would also say that not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get hurt.
Another thing I am learning here is the importance of speaking slow, being slow to offense and quick to listen (James 1:19). It is so important to hear someone out rather than wait for your turn to talk, or just waiting for them to finish. Listening to someone speaks volumes. Not speaking speaks. Hearing someone out. Using little words to communicate more. Whenever we also take our time, think about what we are saying, we end up using less words and communicating in a more clear, precise way. I have noticed when I take my time to respond, I may take a bit longer but what I say is more processed and focused. I use less words such as “like, uh, yeah, um, but, and.” I am learning how to be better in communication and listening. I am getting to know people a lot better in the process. Not crossing my arms is a big one that I often do. I always cross my arms, and learning to not and be open in conversation. There isn’t anything wrong with crossing your arms, but in conversation it can be received as guarded or defensive.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Here is an example, whenever I went out to dinner with a friend recently in America this is what happened. Anna communicated to Michael and I that she wanted to eat. We literally did not care where we wanted. She said she didn’t either and to name a few places. We named chipotle, olive garden. She kept saying no. She suggested PF Changs. Which is fine. “We dont have to go if you dont want to.” We would love to go to PF Changs. It didn’t matter. “but… where else do you want to go?” she beckoned. We named a few other restaurants and she kept shooting them down for various reasons. We stopped her, “Listen, if you want to go to PF Changs just say so. We dont care where we want to go. We would love to go to PF Changs. Lets go to PF Changs.”
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Just say you don’t want to do something, or do want something, when asked. Don’t lord it over people, however, be effective in the way you tell someone something.
Whenever you have a problem with someone, also, there is a manner to express yourself that can be uplifting and encouraging. We call this feedback. Constructive feedback always. Whenever calling someone out on something, it is never to hurt them, but to see them grow in a manner that is pushing them to be greater than what they are. It starts with an encouraging word, what you see in them, following but how you can see them grow as a person. For an example, “Allie. I really love how friendly you are and intentional about getting to know everyone. It is a great trait you bring to the workplace and appreciated. I noticed the past few days you have not been cleaning the beverage station before you left whenever it is your responsibility. I think you’re a really hard worker and I think you could grow in your work ethic by being more intentional about cleaning it before you go. I know you have a lot to offer and want to see that fulfilled.” Is such a better way than saying, “Allie, do your -expletive- job.”
I’ve gotten the blunt end of this in a healthy way lately here on this trip, but also historically I’ve received feedback negatively back in America all the time from friends or coworkers or whomever. Encouragement and fulfillment of who they are is so important. Proverbs 18:21 says that the power of life and death are in the tongue. People become what you speak over them.
I’m reading a book on leadership called Leadership and Self-Deception. About the perspective you have on people in specifically the workplace, and how that determines your leadership. In essence, it matters more how people perceive you when you speak to them. If you communicate something effectively but the person thinks you hate them, or are full of yourself, it doesn’t matter what you say because it wont be received. But even if you communicate something very poorly to someone, but that someone believes that you are after their best interest, it can be received well. People matter. Who you are to them matters.
It’s about the little things.
In the Fellowship of the Ring, a small halfling named Frodo accepts the full responsibility of carrying the evil Ring of Power that has destroyed worlds and corrupted men’s hearts for millennia, to a far away mountain to be destroyed. All eyes are upon him as he begins to lead this journey of courage and hope, one that he will likely not survive. As he sets foot for the adventure, he turns to his old friend Gandalf and whispers, “Is Mordor left or right?” Gandalf assures him, right. They head off to save the world.
One of my sponsors, one of my best friends, faced some financial difficulty and cut his funding against his wishes for my trip to half of what he was normally giving. In April I was fully funded in committed monthly donors, and it seems every single month I am losing (and gaining) funders. At this time, by July I will be around $1,200 USD short of the trip goal. Whether he tells me to go left or right, the Lord will fulfill exactly what he wishes to.
This month our focus is to find new ministries that the World Race can partner with in the future. We are spending the remanding two weeks prospectively in Matagalpa, Nicaragua seeking out and examining existing ministries to see if AIM would be interested in sending their teams here in the upcoming years.
Thank you for taking time and caring for this trip and us.
With respect and love,
-J
Follow me on instagram @texasfornever.
Steve Rokks wrote an article with fantastic photography about debrief the beginning of this month.
