“When I am silent, I am listening, and not abandoning.”
-Bradley Hathaway
Things have gotten significantly better contentment-wise. Things are looking up and I am excited about things, for the first time in a long time. For awhile it was just dutiful submission and work towards what I felt the Lord called me to do rather than a joyful heart towards it. A lot of my friends have been praying for me, and I am thankful for that. Currently I am jubilant.
The last few weeks I was in a pretty rough spot. For example, here are some lamentations I wrote after a pretty bad shift at work.
How weary my soul,
how fickle my heart.
With you not about, the wolves tear us apart.
You are the way I fear I shan’t go
I am alone, I’m left here to die.
Heart, how treacherous and wretched you are
You want what you cannot have when certain death appetizes.
Obedience to the Way is what I indubitably from stray
They say hope endures, O God make a way
I’m trapped under ice
Waiting.
Bleeding.
In the midst, it will come to an end
The mean time leaves me in sin therefor drowning in
When he said “heal,” they were healed
They were willing
I am wailing
Mend these broken bones
Heal this broken soul, how fickle is it.
Heal these scars
With the same hands that formed the stars
Redeemer is His Name
In that truth I therefor claim.
There was a lot of struggling there in that period, and I have loving friends who walked with me through that. I am rested now and full of joy, stoked for this new season. Perhaps it was weather change, or me picking up cooking and running again, maybe being obedient in certain areas. I think all those things helped add to it, but ultimately it was what the Lord was doing in my heart changing my perspective. The situation at work is the same, just my perspective isn’t one of self-pity but rather hopeful. It’s a constant process, struggling through seasons and being brought out of them. Life is full of ups and downs.
“My life! A constant process, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
-Set Your Goals
I just got all my vaccinations for the World Race today! My vision started blurring about an hour afterwards but otherwise things are trucking! Because I do not have insurance, the state covered my Hep A and Hep B shots. I had to pay for a service fee and with those plus Yellow Fever and Typhoid my total was about $255. Not bad at all for my vaccinations overseas! 😀 I also waited on a table earlier this week that is from Israel, they are missions from Corinth to Israel and live there through the Glory of Zion church. They gave me a generous donation towards the trip of $200! Pretty crazy and without a doubt the largest single tip I’ve ever received. My manager at the end of the shift gave me less money than what I made that day and even tried to reconfirm that he was correct (he wasn’t, it wasn’t enough money and then there was a brief accusation that I had taken the money, at least that is what I felt was being said). They ended up letting it go and he later found the money but I know I was pretty stinking upset whenever said manager was accusing me of taking money. But hey, that’s life. Keep on keeping’ on.
