There are so many things I could elaborate on about training camp.
- I could talk about how I almost had a panic attack while sleeping under the seats on a school bus
- About the amazing intimate experience I had with the Holy Spirit
- How I was completely and utterly broken-found-emptied- and filled
- How I cried my hardest cry and prayed my rawest prayer
- About the incredible raw community. Just raw people reaching and being reached for by an almighty raw God.
- How 40+ girls fit under a tarp to sleep in the woods.
- How all my stuff got “lost” and I about froze in a tent with 2 other girls.
- How I learned my true capacity to love people
I couldn’t just pick one, there are so many… too many. All of them opened my eyes to new things I didn’t realize they could be opened to. My perspective and view to so many aspects of life and God grew to amazing extents… in just one week.
The real, hardest realization I had from all these new experiences..
I am a naive baby.
My understanding is so little. There is so much my eyes are closed to.
- I’ve been so naive to how powerful and intimate God can actually be
- I’ve been so naive about the voice of God and His healing's
- Naive about true community and the power of it
- Naive about how shameful I still am for past sins
- I’ve been naive about love and vulnerability
- I’ve been naive about how weak I actually I am
- How dependent I really need to be on Him
- How alive I can be, and should be in the freedom of Christ.
At first I freaked out “Holy cow I had no how much there was I didn’t know, how close to God I thought I was… There is no way I can do the world race.. I’m not prepared to leave.. I have so much more growing to do before I could ever be ‘qualified’ for the race…I’m already the youngest one on my squad… If I postpone to do the world race later I can have a bigger impact… I'm calling Dura (squad leader) NOW! "
Then I realized…after several moments
Wait.. I will always be a naive baby…
If God is truly an infinite God, then there will ALWAYS be more of Him. Just when we think we've experienced it all, he will REVEAL more. Just when we thought we have gone as deep as we can with God, He will GIVE US MORE OF HIM. Just when we thought we knew what his power and grace looks like, HE WILL SHOW US MORE!
WHAT JOY THERE IS IN THAT!!
There is so much more. There will ALWAYS be SO MUCH MORE
There was a time at camp where I longed for God so much and so hard that I thought I was going to implode. But it felt so good to long so hard, and better yet discover amazing new levels of God thru it. I’m like a child, longing to discover more and being astonished when I do. I get to long, discover, and be wowed FOREVER.
So I’ve embraced that I will always be a naive baby. Now I’m not naive to the fact that I will always be naive. So now I am open for continuous growth, because I will always strive and long for more, always.
​So maybe a lot of the stuff my eyes were opened to at training camp was new…
Maybe I wished I were more efficient at these things before the race…
But the race is the PREFECT environment to grow ENORMOUSLY- in an environment where you’re dependent on God, around supportive people continuously striving for God, while doing the work of God. I’m supposed to be here, doing this, NOW.
“God I am just a naive baby
Unaware of your potential
I know nothing of you, life, or myself.
But I know I long for you.
Long to see your face and know your voice
Break me, make me.
Fill me with your wisdom and your perceptions
Ache my heart and BLOW my mind
Open my eyes and thicken my soul
Disturb me God, when I become too comfortable
So I may always strive and grow
and give me the boldness to step out in faith to grow”
