Last week, I finally met 43 “strangers” that I would be traveling the world with for the next 11 months. We slept in tents together. We showered with buckets together. We “lost our luggage” together. We ate crickets together. We laughed together, cried together, worshipped together, and prayed together. Together, we will be traveling the world to spread the Good News of Jesus, and I am so excited!!!
Setting up our tents!
Hiking 3 miles in under 50 minutes with our packs– everyone made it!!
“Sleeping in the Airport”
Overjoyed to be a part of Team Sunflower!!
Squad wars WINNERS! Go Wolfpack!!
Honestly, I was terrified of training camp. Rumors abounded about the “best worst ten days of your life,” and I was definitely overwhelmed. I was scared that I wouldn’t fit in with my squad, I was was afraid that I would crumble under the pressure of daily “scenarios,” and I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to physically keep up. God kept calling out these fears and telling me to give them to Him, but that was easier said than done!
Through all of the uncertainties, there was one thing that I was certain about– I was positive that I would have a new, intense experience with the Holy Spirit. I was expecting God to overwhelm me with visions and dreams and prophetic words. I have been learning about the Holy Spirit all summer through discipleship at work, and He has taken a new role in my life. I’ve been working on discerning this Spirit, and I just KNEW that Training Camp would be the place where God would show up loud and proud, but it wasn’t. God still spoke in a whisper.
As camp progressed, I was doing great physically, emotionally, and mentally, but I was let down because of my spiritual state. I let my disappointment get in the way of worshipping the Lord because I wanted that “God shining down from Heaven moment” that everyone else seemed to be getting. One day, as I was processing through one of the talks, I just got angry. I journaled some angry words to the Lord about Him “not speaking to me.” I also talked with some squad mates about my internal struggle. They were able to offer some encouraging words, but my spirit was still a little angry.
God speaks to me through coincidence and repetition the most, and I kept hearing the word patience all week. People would say, “The Lord will speak, just be patient,” or “You can’t tell the Lord to speak to you, it’s all in His time.” Although these words are frustrating, they are so true.
The next night at session, we talked about listening prayer and how to hear the voice of the Lord. After the talk was finished, we were able to pray for those sitting around us and listen to see if the Lord had anything to say to them. I listened and listened for God to tell me words about my squad mates, and I got nothing but frustrating silence.
That night, my squad’s scenario was called the night watch. We had to have squad member(s) praying at all hours of the night from 11pm to 7am. My shift was from 4 to 4:30am, and I had an awesome time praying for my squad and our journey ahead. I still didn’t have my “moment” but I was finding peace in the Lord’s presence. All through that night of prayer, my squad mates were participating in listening prayer for one another, and they wrote down the words that God had for others. When I received mine the next day, I was BLOWN AWAY.
God sees me. God hears me. He knows the true desires of my heart, and His timing is PERFECT. I just need to trust in what He has for me and continue to take these truths to heart. Although I didn’t get my “dramatic God moment” that I was hoping for, I sure am glad that I have a God who loves me as much as He does. As I enter this next month of my life until launch, I am choosing to stay and listen. I want to be intentional about the time that I spend with the Lord in the mornings, and I want to be intentional about everything else that I am doing with my time. I am confident that God will be present, and I know that He will speak when I am ready.
Lord, thank You for Your perfect timing. Thank you for the little ways that you remind me of your presence and draw me back in when I am making my own path. I praise you because You are GOOD. Give me the eyes to see Your will, the ears to hear, and the patience to wait on You. Continue to draw me back to Your presence daily. I love you so much. Amen
In Christ,
Jordie
