After talking to my niece, Brylea, on the phone the other day and crying, I wrote in my journal: “Why did I think this would be easy? Why didn’t I appreciate my family’s company before I left? Am I seriously hurting my niece by leaving her just to bring love to other hurting children?”
I was reminded of God’s faithful promises when my team and I went to the city dump in Puerto Barrios, Guatemala.
I bent down and said hola to a precious baby. I’m guessing he was around two years old. He looked up at me with big, round, brown eyes and a dirt covered face. A bug crawled out of his hair and across his face…he didn’t seem to notice though. I fought back tears as I could literally feel my heart breaking. The children at the city dump formed lines to wash their hands and receive what could be their only good meal of the week. We sang songs with them, played with them, gave them piggy back rides…and watched them kill a bird with a sling shot (quite traumatizing). It was emotional. It took everything inside of me not to cry. But to see the joy on their faces when we played with them, to see the joy on their faces as they got their plate of food and bag of clean water, to see the joy on their faces as we showed them the pictures that we took of them…it was worth every ounce of heartbreak that I felt.
I have been praying for God to break my heart for what breaks His. I’ve been praying for God to speak to me about what He wants me to pray about instead of just continuing to pray about my own selfish desires. And that’s exactly what He has done. He has broken my heart for these children, for these families. He has broken my heart for Puerto Barrios.
This journey won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
I may have felt too busy before I left to actually spend quality time with my family, but they know that they mean the world to me and I’ll spend eternity with them.
My niece doesn’t understand why I’m not home with her, but one day when she’s older she’ll appreciate the reason behind the year that I was gone.
**My devotional for today said “I trust You to enlarge my faith and to transform me with Your power and comfort. Give me the strength to notice Your purpose in unpleasant circumstances.”
I’m focusing on staying present. I love being here and serving the Guatemalan people and I’m trusting in God to give me the strength and endurance to continue to serve joyfully and not be homesick.
I’m going to continue to grow where God has planted me – whether it’s in a city dump, in an orphanage, or in a bar/strip club. God is using my squad to impact the lives of people that we come into contact with. Even if we cant see the harvest of our work now, one day the seeds that we plant will blossom and these people will remember our acts of kindness, words of wisdom, and our love for them. God’s using us to show hurting people that the meaning of life isnt found in drugs, sex, or alcohol…its found in Him.
Please continue to pray for Puerto Barrios, Guatemala. Pray for my squad and I. And pray for safe travels as we head to Honduras next week!!
