My life has been pretty wild lately. I am constantly amazed at the life that I get to live. God knows that I love change and moving around to place to place. Someone asked me the other day, “So where is home for you?” The correct answer is Grande Prairie, but I responded, “Earth. Earth is my home”. I say this jokingly because God is constantly taking me places and I feel so welcomed and at home everywhere I go. The body of Christ is amazing! Last weekend I traveled to Rocky Mountain House and got to share my story at a church called Living Branches. I attended there for 3 years while I was in Bible College. Then this past weekend I shared my story in Caroline at Living Faith Fellowship. I talked about my last trip on the World Race and how God is calling me back out again. I was so blessed by both these churches. They encouraged me so much in what God is calling me into for this year and for a lifetime of missions. It’s amazing to know that people believe in you and believe in God in you. I’m so blessed!
God has been taking me through refinement lately in the area of striving. My whole life, this has been all I’ve ever known. I was told to live for God and that it was the best thing that I could do. Well, if it’s the best thing for me, I want that! So I went after that. I strived for a relationship with God, not because I tasted and saw that it was good, but because I was told it was good. I attempted to be righteous on my own efforts. I tried to appear to have everything in my life looking righteous. I knew I needed to be righteous, and so I needed to show everyone around that I was. If I had sin in my life, I would keep it hidden for fear of looking unrighteous. This life seemed to work. It’s what most people around me were doing. So I’ve got it right, right?
I’m learning now that I have put so many hours into striving for righteousness, and I really didn’t need to. I wouldn’t say that my striving was a waste, but I would say that I took the long way to get where I am at with God. I’ve learned that intimacy with God is so much easier than I’ve made it to be. I would try to be a son of God, instead of just simply BE His son. I was a human DOing, not a human BEing. I would try to act like how I learned a son of God acted. I would say the things a son of God says. I figured if I did it long enough, eventually it would become real. But no matter how much I strived, it still never seemed real. It has affected my relationship with God in big ways.
This has been affecting me in my fundraising as well. I would strive to make everything perfect and get all the details of my fundraising right. I was worrying way more than I was at peace. I’ve fundraised so many times before, and I realized that I’ve done this with each trip that I went on. I would worry about little things that I thought were important, while God would be leading me to other things. He would speak to me about His plan for fundraising, and I would keep putting effort into the things that I thought were important.
When I was in Rocky Mountain House last week, the pastor I stayed with was encouraging to share my story more. He was seeing it as something big for me when it comes to raising support. This had been something God was showing me recently, bit it didn’t click until the pastor told me this. When I was at a church the other day in Calgary, I met a guy and shared with him what I did last year and what I am up to now. He then felt led to give $75. Then a few days later I met another guy who I also shared my story with. God laid it on his heart to give as well. It was so simple.
I realized in my striving, I only get so far. But when I let go and let God do it, it’s far easier. He has been teaching me that it’s actually not about me getting fully funded. If that was the case, He can blink and I have $1 million in my pocket like that. He created the Universe. Putting some plastic in my wallet is not hard for Him. It is about the journey and partnering with Him in His plan. He wants intimacy with Me and doesn’t care if I don’t have money come in as much as He cares about the quality of our relationship. He is madly in love with me and desires to spend time with me. He is a pursuer God and wants me to stop striving so that I can turn around and see that He has been chasing after me.
To be honest, I’ve been having trouble slowing down for Him. In my unbelief, I think that if I stop striving, I won’t be taken care of. But the reality is, that as I let go and allow God to be the Father He tells me He is, provision comes flooding in like a tsunami. He loves to provide for His kids. He loves spending time with His kids. He LOVES His Kids! I’m beginning to let go and trust Him. He is so so good and so so faithful.
