I wanted to write a blog to share my various hardships in life. I’ve realized in the past few years that I can create a Christian Super Hero facade and appear to be an amazing Christian to others perception. I can do this through Facebook and blogs by sharing only positive things and not enough of the many places I struggle in. I was with a friend last week who knew me more from what he saw on Facebook, than what he saw in real life. As I was sharing with him a part about my past of being judgmental, he was shocked and said, “Really, that’s what you were like? I can’t see that.” Then my brother who knows me really well said something like, “Oh ya, you don’t know the half of it”. Haha. My brother sees my best and my worst. What is cool is that he loves me through it all.
The apostle Paul was someone who let his followers know his hardships. He didn’t do it to boast, but to let his life be a testimony to show how great God is. He says in 2 Corinthians 6:3-10
“We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything”.
Although the trials that Paul had are significantly harder than anything I have gone through, I feel like I can relate in a lot of ways. I have never been stoned, beaten, imprisoned or even insulted for the gospel, but there are still trials that I face.
I have been back in Canada now the past four months. Throughout this time, I have not been working any consistent job. I have had random odd jobs with my mom and friends to earn a bit of cash. But other than that, I’ve had no consistent income. If I was in Mozambique and living off a few dollars, that is totally doable. But here in Canada, it’s not as easy. God provided a place for me to stay for free and even provided groceries. But I had hardly any money to go out and treat myself to anything. I would go for prayer walks around the city of Calgary and see other people with all their material things. People with their cars, houses, jobs, money, etc… I would get down on myself and begin thinking back when I had all those things. One day God spoke to me and said, “Jordan, would you rather have a good paying job, a nice car and a house? Or would you rather live on less and then travel the world?” The answer to a lot of North Americans would be the security of a job, and luxury of a car, house and money. But my answer was easy. I would much rather have less and see the world. Paul’s words rang through my head, “poor, yet making many rich, having nothing, and yet possessing everything“. This is my life. I may be physically poorer than the average North American, but I get to make many people spiritually rich in the Kingdom of God. It is truly an awesome life!
Although I haven’t been working the past few months, I feel busy quite often. I do logistical things for my squad leading position throughout the day of answering emails and learning more about my position. I am also always building relationships with people. Whether its people I just met in Calgary, people on my new squad, people on my old squad, family and friends back home, I am constantly building relationships. So it may appear that I am not accomplishing much, but in reality, I am investing into people. I think that often gets overlooked in ministry. People like to see results and things they could physically look at to see what a minister is accomplishing. But in relationships, it takes lots of time and energy, and after a while, you may not see any changes. Things are happening in peoples inner being that may have not yet manifested itself in a physical way. But time will always tell. So I relate to Paul when he says, “In great endurance”, “in hard work”, “patience”. Relationships take endurance, patience and hard work to cultivate. But it brings me so much joy to see people grow in maturity in Christ and it makes it all worth it.
At moments I feel surrounded by people who love and care for me. There are days that I connect with people and have incredible moments with them that bless my socks off. Then there have been times in the last few months where I have felt very alone. I moved to a brand new city where I only knew a few people, and the few that I knew, I wasn’t super close with. So over time I began making new friends, but during the day they would all be at work or in school. So I would have to wait until the evening before hanging out with people. And if you didn’t know this about me, I am an extreme extrovert. I hate being alone! The World Race is perfect for me because I am constantly around people and I love it! So now during this last season, I have had moments where I felt very alone. I was never imprisoned like Paul, but I may as well have been. At least prison may have had others to talk to. Haha. I’m joking of course. What was a beautiful thing during this time of loneliness is that I became a lot closer to God. I didn’t have people there to distract me, and if I ever felt the need to talk to someone, (Which was quite often!) I had God always beside me and willing to chat. So as hard as it was being alone, it was really beneficial.
So this past season of my life has not been all gumdrops, rainbows and butterflies. It has it’s hardships and at times I wish I lived an average North American life (whatever that is). But when I take a step back and look at the life God has given me, I rejoice and would have it no other way.
In John 12:24 it says, “Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds”. Dying sucks and our flesh hates it. But when we die to ourselves, we produce much fruit. I don’t want to live this life on earth for Jordan. I desire to live for God. And that means dying for God. It’s all worth it in the end, but in the moment can be difficult. We all have a choice to make. It’s not just a choice to accept God’s free gift of salvation. We also need to choose whether we will pick up our cross and follow Him.
I made up my choice. What will you decide?
