Hi, my name is Jordan and I am broken. I’m a mess and it is a beautiful thing.
4 months ago God spoke to me and told me He would be “Developing” me. He was going to break me down to nothing and He was right.
He gave me a picture of a house. This house was being torn down. Each board, window and door was being crushed and thrown out. Eventually all you can see is the cement foundation. I thought, “Okay, now God is going to rebuild this house using the old foundation”. Then He began to chip away at the cement and throw that away too. I realized then that this “development” process was not going to be an easy one.
Another picture God gave me was a tunnel going through a mountain. Inside was dark and had a bunch of broken vehicles and junk on the inside. I would have to travel through all of that and it seemed difficult. So I began looking for other ways to the other side of the mountain. God gently spoke and said that this was the only way through. He asked if I wanted to go through that way. I said “Yes” and went into the tunnel. At times it gets tough and I try to look for exit doors, but He pushes me forward through the tunnel, not because He is a slave driver, but because He knows that going through this tunnel is what I truly want. Something He spoke to me about this season is that the only way through is by humbling myself like a little child and walking close to Him. He is the light and only if I stick close to Him can I see what’s right in front of me. If I run ahead, fall behind or choose to do it my own way, I trip and fall because I can’t see. The only way through is to stay humble and walk with Him through it. There is light at the end of the tunnel, but that’s not what I need to focus on. I often want to focus on the destination, rather than the journey. So I chose to keep my eyes at my feet and on Jesus, not trying to figure out when I am getting out.
These past 4 months have been super tough. I am full of a bunch of brokenness and pride that I never realized. These past 4 months I have also been a team leader. Team leaders have extra responsibilities for the team. The reason they exist is to server their teammates and make them successful. They are to communicate boldly, lead the way in feedback and set the example in having a positive and willing attitude. So in this season of brokenness, God decided it would be a great idea for me to team lead as well. Haha, good one God. You’re funny.
When I first entered this season of leading, I was already going through a lot. I thought to myself, “I don’t think I can do this”. But God comforted me and reminded me that I can go through both, but not by myself. He has been with me the whole time. He is my solid rock on which I stand. I would not have made it as far as I have without Him. I need Him daily. Even hourly.
With the first picture of the house I mentioned above, God began to show me what He was doing and why He was doing it. I began to see a new foundation He was going to build. It was longer, wider and thicker than the last one. The reason He wanted a new better foundation, is because He wants a bigger house. There is so much more that He wants to use me for. There are greater things in the Kingdom of God that are available for me and He wants me to obtain them. In order to bear much fruit, I need a bigger house. In order for me to get a bigger house, He had to tear down the old one. How He tears down the old one is by waiting for me to say “yes”, and open myself to be in a position of change and development. I have been choosing yes and although it is a very hard process, it is so incredible. I am loving the person that He originally created me to be. He is sanctifying me and making me clean. This world has put so much dirt into my life, but God is an amazing cleaner. His love is the most powerful detergent ever!
I am coming home a different person. I am still Jordan with all the same good qualities I’ve had in the past, but now new and improved. I’ve gone through a transformation. I am more loving and gentle than I was a year ago. I communicate better. I am more humble. I know more about emotions. I learned that I am a teacher and Intercessor and so much more. I’m still not perfect though. I make mistakes all the time. I still need God’s and peoples grace daily.
As for the title, I’m BROKEn, I want to share with people that I truly am broke financially as well. I wrote a blog a few weeks ago about how this came to be. If you missed it, here is the link.
http://jordantarant.theworldrace.org/?filename=i-debt-you-8000-you-need-grace
I want to ask for your help. I have 2 weeks left of ministry, then I travel to Ho Chi Minh for our final debrief. I will be meeting up with the whole squad I travelled with this year and processing the year with them. Then on Nov. 24 we will be arriving in LA and saying our final goodbyes. I will be making my way to Arizona where a friend from back home who also went on the World Race invited me to spend some time reflecting and processing more before we head back home. I am really excited about this opportunity and think it can be very beneficial for both of us. However, I am broke and have a maxed out credit card. I will be needing money for food and travel for the next four weeks as well as money for returning home until I get some work. If you would like to donate to this cause, message me on Facebook or send me an email at [email protected] and I will communicate to you the best way to give.
I can’t wait to see all my friends and family soon. I arrive Dec. 5 into the Grande Prairie airport. Thank you to all the people who have partnered with me this year to help bring me to where I am, and thank you to those who will help bring me further. You are all playing a part in the Kingdom of God and it is a beautiful thing!
Your Brother in Christ,
Jordan Tarant
