I have lots of pride. I’ve accumulated it over my lifetime. I faced many choices in life and had to choose between selfishness or selflessness. I chose selfishness all throughout my life, even though I believed in Jesus since I was practically born.
For the last 5 years, I’ve actually wanted to change that trajectory and live for others and Someone other than myself. I told God when I was 8 He could have my whole life and I’ve been giving it to Him piece by piece. Each time I do, He gives me something better in return.
In 2011, I began studying Theology at a small Bible College to equip me for a life time of “full-time” ministry as a missionary.
I went on my first missions trip in 2008 to a native reserve in Northern Saskatchewan, then to Haiti in 2010 and 2011. Then to the Philippines in 2012 and Uganda in 2013. I left for the World Race in 2015 and squad led in 2016. In January 2017 I left again to be an Alumni Team Leader and am currently on the field. In the past 9 years, I have been to around 25 countries to “love the least of these” and share the good news with the lost and broken.
In reading the last paragraph, it seems like I am a very selfless person. It looks like I have given my life fully to build the Kingdom of God. But if you could see into my heart, you would see a lot of selfishness and pride.
I constantly think I am a better Christian than other Christians I know. I see all that I am doing and look at the lack of what everyone is doing. I judge them and put myself in a higher place with God than them. In my mind, I know I’m not actually better, but in my heart, I believe I am better than them.
My whole life I have based my worth by what I DO and not for who I AM.
This partially comes from being praised or rebuked for what I did right or wrong and never being affirmed for just being me. If I did something wrong, people would be quick to point it out and shame would come. So I tried to not fail and this created a fear of failure. If I did something right, I was rewarded.
It sounds like a good system. It teaches people to do good and not do bad. But the problem with it is, that we could easily find our worth in what we do, and not in who we are.
You see, God accepts us for who we are. He loves us no matter if we work hard for Him or squander His inheritance (Luke 15). He loves us because He loves us because He loves us.
I’m learning daily what it means to be accepted by God and I can’t help but share it with people. It’s a marvelous revelation!
If anyone who is reading this that I have had thoughts of superiority over you, I’m sorry. The truth is, I AM NOT BETTER THAN YOU. We are both loved by God and He doesn’t choose favorites. I am accepted by God. You are accepted by God.
I hate the pride I am seeing in my heart. Before, when God revealed my wickedness, I would try to hide. (Like Adam and Eve in the garden) But now, as God sheds His light onto my sin, I want to bring it more into the light. It is there where it is destroyed. Satan loves it when we keep our sin in the dark, but God desires to bring it into the light so we look more and more like our Daddy and represent Him well on earth.
If you have any sins that God is wanting to shed light on, don’t try and run from it. Embrace it and run into the light. It is there we find safety, peace and freedom!
If this blog spoke to you any way, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below!
