63 days. That’s it. 63 days stand in between me and the hometown I grew up in. 63 days stand in between me saying goodbye to the people I experienced this crazy journey with. 63 days stand in between me, my parents and my friends who I have not seen in 11 months. Wow.
I’m writing this blog in all respect to you. I want you to know how I actually feel about coming home and how you should react to that. I want you to have time to think about this, and prepare 🙂
We got our flight itinerary today and I don’t feel okay, but I will be okay. I feel every emotion on the spectrum. Every single one. Excitement. Fear. Joy. Nervousness. Anxiousness. I feel it all, and I don’t know what to do. I’m excited to see my family and friends. So excited! But I’m terrified to leave the people who know me so well. I’m terrified to land in America and just.. walk away from them. Alone. (I haven’t even been in a room alone for more than 5 minutes over the past 9 months!!) They know what I’ve seen, what I’ve been through.. and that’s way too much information to put in blogs. They know what it feels like to live in village after village. They know what it feels like to not have a permanent home. They know what it feels like to experience squatter camps in Africa, where people are truly suffering. They know what it feels like to meet people you fall in love with only to leave them one month later. You see, there is so much people don’t know… and that’s not because I don’t want to tell you. It’s simply because it’s too much. The World Race is basically 5 years squeezed into one. I don’t know how to explain that further.
I need you to know this:
I will go through a grieving process. I will grieve this loss. I will grieve the ending of the world race.
Please do not get hurt if I do not reach out to you as soon as I get home. I need to adjust and I need to process and I’m not sure how long that will take. Imagine living in poverty for a year, changing time zones every couple months, getting sick consistently, eating crazy foods, experiencing things your mind cannot even make up, living in community 24/7 and seeing the worst the world has to offer… and then just coming home.. to the land of plenty. I’m not going to know what to tell you because I don’t even know what to tell myself. I believe that America will be my biggest culture shock.
Do I need to stay in a room alone for one week? I don’t know. Do I need friends and family to be with me at all times? I don’t know. (probably not, though). Do I need to sleep for 1 month straight? Yes. The truth is, I don’t know what I need from you, but I will let you know. I CAN tell you exactly what I DON’T need.
What I don’t need:
I don’t need people asking me, “how was it?”. I cannot answer that question.
I don’t need people asking me, “how do you feel about being home?”. I will feel it all.
I don’t need people asking me to hangout. This one is hard to explain.. I want to see people, so badly, but I need time. I promise, I love you and I missed you a lot while I was gone. But, I will reach out to you when I’m ready.
I don’t need people asking me if I got them a souvenir. Haha, that one is self-explanatory but I have had people express to me that they wanted something. I’m sorry, but I got you nothing. Over the last 11 months, I LITERALLY have not had the space to carry my own shampoo and conditioner from country to country.
This may sound harsh, but it is the truth.
What I think I need:
Time. Lots of it. Time to grieve. Time to process. Time to grasp the fact that I just traveled the world for one year and have been to 11+ countries and I did so many things and saw so many things and realized so many things.
Patience… from you.
Grace. (Both my mentor, Grace, and also the grace that you give me for being slightly mentally unstable when I get home).
Your support. I’m going to need people. I might have a mental breakdown at some point. Maybe by myself, maybe walking around a grocery store. I don’t know.
A listening ear for REAL answers. More times than not, what I tell you about the race will surprise you. I will give you hard, uncomfortable answers because that was my reality for 11 months.
Below, is a list of really good questions you can ask me about the race! This will also help me process and move on, so to speak. The worst thing you can ask is, “how did it go?” or “did you have fun?”. HAHA. Please don’t be that person.
Questions you can ask me about the last year of my life:
- What did you eat in the Dominican Republic?
- How did you adjust to the race month 1?
- What ministry did you do month 1?
- What is “team time” and why did you have it everyday?
- When did you start feeling homesick?
- How did you get used to being a part of a “team”?
- What was it like to be on a co-Ed team?
- How did you feel while living in Haiti?
- Tell me about the first time your team had a fight.
- What was your 4 day travel experience like to get from Haiti to South Africa?
- How did South Africa change your life?
- What was it like to experience squatter camps?
- What did it feel like to be a part of someone receiving salvation?
- How did you feel when you prayed healing over someone, and they were ACTUALLY healed?
- How did it feel to sleep in a living room with no privacy in South Africa?
- What did it feel like when you got an email saying in two weeks, your team will be split apart?
- What was it like saying goodbye to the team you started this race with?
- How hot was it in Botswana?
- What was your ministry in Botswana?
- Why was that month so hard?
- What book did you read in Botswana?
- Have you gotten sick on the race?
- What is a ministry host?
- Who is the dog, Rose?
- Who are you close to on your squad?
- What does team change feel like?
- What is a “debrief”?
- What did you do in Zambia?
- Who did you meet in Zambia?
- How did you struggle that month?
- What does it feel like to live in a village every month for 7 months straight?
- What is a bucket shower?
- How did it feel to go 3 months without having a normal shower?
- How did it feel to not have a lot of “stuff”?
- Did you miss your family?
- Did you miss working in the hospital?
- Did you ever question becoming a doctor?
- How did it feel to not have WiFi for months at a time?
- How did it feel to live in Africa for 3 months?
- Why do you love Africa?
- How many proposals did you get in Africa?
- What is the culture like in India?
- Tell me about your host family in India.
- Why were you so tired that month?
- What did you preach about?
- How did it feel to preach for the first time, ever?
- Why did your team become so close that month?
- How do you eat with your hands?
- What is a Tuk-Tuk?
- What was the living situation like in India?
- Tell me about John-Victor…
- What happened in Mumbai?
- Who was your bunk buddy in Mumbai and how did you bond?
- How many hours did you sleep in Mumbai?
- Tell me about the time you tried to suture your own finger in Africa.
- What was a REAL African Safari like?
- How many things have you stolen from airplanes?
- Tell me about the time you slept through an airport riot.
- Why were you involved in a police chase in Africa?
- Why were airports always your biggest culture shock?
- What characteristic of God have you learned about?
- What did God do for you in South Africa?
- Why was Nepal an incredible month for you?
- What were the mountains like and how did you feel while looking at them?
- Tell me about Kathmandu.
- How did you feel getting your first tattoo?
- Why did you get a tattoo?
- Walk me through the process of catching a bus in Nepal….
- Were you mad when you found out you had to sleep on the floor again when you got to Nepal?
- How cold was it and how did you handle that?
- What was the food like in Nepal?
- Tell me about Chitwan.
- Tell me about the time your team fell apart in Chitwan.
- Ask me who I met in Chitwan and how they have impacted me.
- What was trekking the Himalayas like?
- Was trekking hard?
- Who were your safety guides?
- What did it feel like to wake up in the morning with a mountain view?
- What was it like to live in a village in the Himalayan mountains?
- Tell me about coffee around the world.
- How did you share the gospel to people who have never heard of Jesus?
- How did you feel leaving Nepal?
- What was it like to tell your testimony on the race?
- What was it like getting to Romania and seeing snow?
- Do you like travel days?
- Why was Romania so hard for you?
- Do you like Bulgaria?
- What was it like to be a housewife?
- What does it feel like to suddenly have a bed, hot water and a washing machine easily accessible?
- How does it feel to have WiFi?
- Did you read your Bible everyday on the race?
- What is “quiet time”?
- How did you feel when you got your flight itinerary to get home?
- How did you deal with community living?
- How did you choose to stay present?
- Tell me about the dogs you have met around the world.
- What was it like being treasurer of your team?
- What was it like being a team leader the last 3 months of the race?
- Tell me about a baby boy named Malachi.
- What was it like going months without having clean clothes?
- Why did you decide to fast alcohol the last 3 months of your race?
You get the point… I have 63 days left. My main goal is to stay present, lead my team well, and continue to grow and seek after the Father’s heart at every given second of the day. This journey isn’t over yet..
