Before you say anything, I know people have mixed feelings about this. (keep in mind that this is my blog that I personally wrote and if you don’t agree, it will only affect you if you let it). In the past, I had a journal that was specifically dedicated to letters for my future husband.. but then it became an idol. It was no longer just prayers, it became something that took the place of Christ in my life. I put this on a pedestal and worshipped it – and that’s when I stopped praying and writing letters to this “future husband” of mine. But now that I’ve traveled the world and met so many people I’ve realized that there ARE Godly men in the world. They might be hard to find, but they are out there and it’s natural and very human of me to desire that in my life. So this letter is not idolizing anything – my mindset is not in that unhealthy place. And I know that God does not promise marriage to anyone. But, He does state that it is not good for man to be alone, and I hold onto that. This letter is simply glorifying God for the spiritual men that He has so delicately created – and it’s me praying faithfully that I will experience the pursuit of a Godly man one day.
I have learned a lot about myself this past year. I’ve been traveling the world for almost 11 months now as a missionary. It has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs, but I have experienced so much growth.
I have learned how to humble myself in submission.
I have grown in patience – for myself and for other people.
I have grown in gentleness – knowing how to have conversations with honesty, integrity and firmness, but also in a gentle way.
I have learned how to love people when I don’t feel like loving people.
I have gained confidence because I now know my identity in Christ.
I have learned more about myself – my needs, my flaws – and how to communicate that with other people clearly.
I have grown so much and it truly makes me want to go back and apologize to everyone I have hurt in the past. I did not know my identity in Christ. I was not confident. I was not humble. I did not put others before me. I did not know how to communicate or take ownership of my wrong-doings. I always wanted to be right. I was so flawed, and I still am, but the Lord has humbled me to the point where I am aware of my flaws. I no longer pretend as though they are not there, and I can now work on them and allow others to help me in the process.
I want you to keep in mind that a relationship and marriage is not my goal in life. I am very aware that no human being can satisfy me the way Christ does. I know that a man cannot rescue me, redeem me, or fulfill me. I know that I should not put unrealistic expectations on this person. And I know that I am still satisfied and whole without a relationship, because I am whole in Christ. I know all of these things.
But this is what I have seen while traveling the world:
Godly marriages in different cultures all centered around one God.
Spouses who pray for one another and with one another.. every single day.
Spouses who communicate properly, listening to the needs of the other person.
Husbands who are not afraid of showing raw emotion and affection to their wife.
Spouses who work together and also support each other’s dreams and independence.
Spouses who fight for one another every second of every day.
Spouses who encourage each other and lift each other up.
Husbands who try and make their wife laugh all of the time.
Wives who blush every time their husband walks in the room.
Relationships that are truly centered around Christ and that it requires daily commitment and sacrifice.
I have seen the fruit of these relationships, and it has been incredible to witness. I believe the Lord wanted me to be surrounded by Godly relationships to rebuild my standards and show me what I can begin praying for.. because I desire that, too. I desire a Godly man who will lead me to Christ and not to himself. I desire someone who will pray for me consistently. Someone who fights for intimacy with the Lord. Someone who commits all his plans, hopes, and dreams in the Father’s hands. Someone who I know will encourage me with scripture each day. Someone who is confident in his identity in Christ, who walks in boldness, strength, kindness, and gentleness.
The Lord has shown me that Godly men do exist in the world and they are worth waiting for. He has also shown me that it is okay to long for that in my life. There is nothing wrong about asking the Lord for a Godly man to pursue me. I have met so many around the world and each one gives me hope for the husband I faithfully pray for.
So, future boyfriend.. I hope you are safe. I hope you are secure in Christ. I hope you fight for intimacy with the Father daily – like truly fight. That’s really all I ask, everything else is up to you:-)
