So, your teammate has decided to leave the race & you’re currently in emotional distress. I get it, I’ve been through that. Two of my teammates went home in the same week & I was in the pits of despair. Like tears, emotional break downs, laying of the floor, eating my feelings out; the whole nine-yards. Well, after processing my teammates LEAVING ME, I have made a survival guide for others. So when & if your teammate(s) leave you, you’ll be prepared. These are the things training camp does not prepare you for.
Grab a journal, pen and some tissues and get ready to read the Survival Guide to Your Teammate Leaving.
THE MOMENT THEY TELL YOU THEY ARE LEAVING
Set scene – Your teammate just called a meeting with the team. You all sit down to hear what he/she has to say. With them choking on tears, you hear the words, “I’m going home” blurt out. Your team sits there in complete shock. You didn’t see it coming, maybe you missed the signs, maybe you just wanted to ignore the reality. The next thing he/she tells you is when they’re going home. They tell you Tuesday, it’s currently Friday. You have four days left with teammate. You all sit there in silence, a million questions going through your head, but no one wants to say anything.
Tips & Tricks
- Whenever one teammate that’s not the TL calls a meeting, grab the tissues and assume the worst. There’s only up from someone telling you that they are going home. I was not prepared in that way, so learn from my mistake.
- The moment they tell you start devising a way to keep them on the Race. Calculate the amount of days you have left with them & and think of what’s possible to get them to stay in those amount of days: talking to them, yelling, tying them up, knocking them out, canceling their flight ticket, do whatever is possible. My team was too late in thinking of these ideas because we were in extreme shock. It might be better that you write these ideas down now, even before anyone announces that they are going home, just so that you are prepared.
- Be ready to hear any amount of days from your current moment to when they are going home. Whether it’s a day, four days, a week or a month. My mind was thinking a month, but when she said “Tuesday” I was, again, not prepared.
- Instead of keeping all those questions you have in your head, overwhelm them in that moment and ask them all. It might overwhelm them so much that they decide just to screw it all and stay on the field.
THE TIME BETWEEN THEM TELLING YOU AND THEM LEAVING
So now you know that they are leaving and how many days you have with them. They will have meetings and calls with the leaders before announcing it to the entire squad. Before they announce it to the squad, they have to talk to the leaders, so be prepared for them to give the squad anywhere between a week to a day in advance of announcing their departure. In my case it was less than a day and it was devastating. Emotions will run high for you, your team and the soon to be ex-teammate so keep tissues on you at all time.
Tips & Tricks
- Book your appointment with your teammate as soon as you can. Once everyone knows, they will all want to spend time with him/her. BONUS: Let your squad mates know that he/she is YOUR teammate and never leave their side for the remaining time they are on the field.
- Start writing your goodbye letter. Don’t completely finish until the day they actually leave in hopes that something changes and they stay.
- Put into practice some of those ideas you thought of to keep them back. Start with talking calmly and then if that doesn’t work use your built up rage that you have from only using a squatty for the past two months and let it out on them. That will really let them know that you want them to stay.
- Always carry tissues on you, you will cry randomly because it will hit you at the most unexpected moments. Laying in bed, at ministry, at dinner or in the squatty. Mine happened most frequently in the squatty.
- Plan with your team a time to have a night to celebrate him/her. Make it as boujee and sentimental as possible. Make the team look fun and bring bribes of snacks and new movies. Anything to make the Race look as fun and glamorous (even though we all know it’s not) as possible so they will want to stay. Make sure they don’t see the reality ANYTHING.
THE EXODUS
Ok so today is the day, your teammate is leaving. The meetings with the leaders were had and the announcement to the squad was given. All your attempts to make them stay haven’t worked & now you are desperate. This may possibly be the worst day of your whole Race. You will spend the whole morning with them packing, talking, laughing & crying. The moment for them to leave will come and you will have a huge pit in your stomach. Your team and his/her closest friends will walk with him/her to the car with all of their bags. Once you’ve prayed, given hugs and said your I love you’s, you will watch them get in the car and drive off. This will be the WORST moment of the Race.
Tips & Tricks
- The morning you are helping them pack, take the most important items they own and hide them. Phone, laptop, camera, souvenirs, sweatshirt, passport. They might not be able to leave without any of these items.
- Now is your chance to drug them, hit them over the head and tie them up. Nothing else seems to be working, so desperate times call for desperate measures.
- As they walk to the car, grab onto their leg like a small child would to slow them down. They will really feel loved in that moment and your other teammates will be able to hide their bags while you slow them down.
- If they manage to get in the car, run after the car as they drive off. Make it as dramatic as possible. Your soon to be ex-teammate might just ask the driver to turn around.
THE AFTERMATH
Your teammate has now left. You find yourself sitting and staring at the walls most of the time or laying on the floor. The world seems gray and dark and life is meaningless. What does this Race even mean without her/him? Team times are smaller, less joyful. You find yourself questioning whether you should go home too. You cannot tell if you’re happy for them or jealous because they get to see their dog sooner than you. But life goes on. You will get many processing questions and all the SQL’s will avoid you because you’re a host mess.
Tips & Tricks
- You will get a ton of processing questions from leaders to your team. Ditch them, they are pointless. Make your own processing questions specifically catered to you. Some examples might be: should I go home? Why? Did my team mate leave because of me? Did God go back with her to America? What will it be like when my dog sees me? These are all GREAT processing questions.
- If your ex-teammate gave you a shirt, headband, or any other article of clothing, be sure to wear it everyday. It will come in handy for drying your tears.
- After a certain amount of time, it will be appropriate to make jokes about your ex-teammate. Example: “She’s dead to us now”, “I’m sorry who is ‘Annalise’?”, “More fried chicken for us now that there as less of us”. Other people won’t get it, but the bright side will be that your team now has inside jokes.
- To add color back to your life quicker, start suppressing your feelings. If you feel like you’re going to cry, suck them up. If anyone wants to help you process your ex-teammates departure, refuse their help.
- Emotional eating really helps as well. When you visit the cafe on your off days, order as much coffee and ice-cream as you want. Your in the pit of despair, remember?
- You will process losing your teammate as a death. If you live on one side of the country and her/him on the other, chances of seeing them again is slim. Wear black and process it as a death, that’s OKAY.
All around, losing a teammate is painful and sad. This past week I lost two teammates for two different reasons. One decided to simply go home and the other had to go home due to illness. It was a huge hit for my team, we went from a team of six to a team of four. We have all done a lot of crying and processing this week. We loved both of our teammates dearly & miss them a ton. There will be a more serious post about them leaving in another post.
I hope you enjoyed this satirical humor.
