Friends, let me tell you something – God is GOOD.
I officially launched for the World Race this past Thursday, August 1, 2019. My Squad (W-Squad) gathered in Atlanta for a few days to prepare our hearts, minds, and sharpen our skill sets as we embraced further training for our upcoming eleven months on the field. The buildup to this moment has been nothing but pure excitement and sheer amazement that the Lord would even consider ME to journey into something so dense with opportunity for growth, ministry, and chalk full of adventure. However, as soon as I walked through the hotel doors for launch weekend my heart, body, and mind were stunned, shaking, and honestly scared to truly journey away from home for the first time. I had to muster up every ounce of energy I could to stay engaged and remain present for my team. I had to lean into the LORD in a new way, not denying the pain I was feeling, but because of the pain. Honestly, I really did not do that great of a job being fully present for others. The Lord was doing something within me, and using precious people along the way to encourage me to stay tuned in, not hiding my experience. After all, it’s all a part of the journey, right?
It is not wrong to experience pain, fear, sadness, and all the other emotions people desire to numb as soon they feel them. Actually, I am here to tell you that I am quite thankful for these bad boys (the “bad” emotions). These feelings remind me that I am in fact, a human being. Crazy. What IS wrong is choosing to sulk and wallow in sadness, fear, pain, and not choosing to actually converse with Father about them. We miss the greatest moments of intimacy when we deny Holy Spirit the opportunity to do His true purpose in us – comfort. Here I am, in Atlanta, right around the corner from my home STRAIGHT UP HURTING. My heart HURT. I can’t explain it any other way. I did not choose to deny my feelings, I did not choose to talk them up every moment to anyone who could counsel me, I did not choose to acknowledge them every waking moment and completely miss what was in front of me. I did, however, choose to ask God for help, admit to my pain when someone asked, and ran to His word and presence when I could. It was not instant gratification when I did these things, but it was a conscious choice to die to myself and carry my cross because I believe that Jesus has consecrated me for this journey.
Last night during our last worship service before departing Atlanta, I decided to put one more thing into practice. Earlier in the weekend during our Worship Coordinator sessions, Erika, the worship director for Adventures in Missions, was teaching us different forms of worship from the Bible. Something stirred in my spirit when she literally got on her hands and knees and explained the significance of the Hebrew word ‘Barak’, which means to bless God as an act of adoration; to kneel expectantly and quietly before him. Erika with her head and hands to the floor powerfully explained that this posture puts your heart above your head. All the while, your head and hands embrace the dirt of the ground, the same dirt God formed us from. I was SHOOK, yet again. Honestly, I have loved worship for a long time. It has always been a part of my walk with the Lord, and I always admired those who knelt before the Lord, but never joined in on the action because I did not fully understand it. Flash forward a couple days, deep in all the feels, I was desperate for comfort, and in worship I expectantly knelt before the Lord embracing all my dirt and adoring God as my Father. I wept, (Jordan 11:35).
Snubbing, snotting, and slightly embarrassed to be so weepy in public worship my heart stilled. I grabbed my journal and wrote out a Scripture, “Perfect love casts out all fear.” Not long after, the speaker for the night quieted the room and asked those who felt fear creeping in on them to stand, and he quoted, yes he did, “Perfect love casts out all fear.” The very same verse. Tell me that ain’t God. Holy Spirit is a good guy, I love Him. This morning as I woke I was READY. New York today was a blessing. I had the ability to explore and share my heart with a teammate without anxiety creeping in on me and eating my lunch like it had been the past few days. Your girl ATE today (literally, I love street food) because Jesus fed me comfort and peace last night. Today I had the best hot dog ever, the best in the world. Okay two hot dogs and a piece of pizza, lol.
It is good to be loved by Him, to be alive in Him. Mongolia, I am ready for all that you have. Jesus, I am thankful for You. Friends and family, thank you for believing in me, praying for me, and supporting this dream. Please set an alarm on your phone to pray for me at 11:11, am or pm, or both. Stay tuned for His goodness to be further revealed. W Squad I love you, Wild team you are precious, Dave & Shelia (if you read this) you are BLESSINGS.
Leaders Don’t Quit,
Jordan
