hey guys, it’s jordan
Confession: I have no idea what to say. I don’t know how to put what I’m thinking into words so I’m just gonna start writing and hope they turn into sentences. He says that when we don’t know what to say, the spirit himself intercedes for words. (Romans 8) so bear with me.
Let’s start by addressing the elephant in the blog…
I’m sure most of y’all have heard that my family has been going through some traumatic events this past week. Celebration, heartbreak, stress, frustration. you name it, and they’ve been experiencing it to the max. And I know it’s crossed a few of your minds that I’m on the other side of the world while this is happening at home.
So I just felt the need to write this blog to let everyone know that I’ve decided to stay abroad on the field. I feel like this is where I’m supposed to be right now, but please know that this was the hardest decision to make.
When I first heard the news, I decided then and there that I was going home. There was just too much going on, things felt like they kept getting worse, and I desperately just wanted to be with my family. I started looking at flights for the next couple of days and talking to our squad mentor with our organization, who gave me the okay to go home. They have been great, my leaders. But I’ve only known these girls for 4 weeks. They don’t know how to comfort me like my family does. I felt so helpless. My heart was breaking with my families, but I couldn’t be there for them. They couldn’t be there for me. I was feeling every emotion possible. So that was it, I was going home.
But then something changed. My family’s input shifted to encouraging me to stay. And I started getting some perspective. We’ve all read and agreed that we will put God over everything. We’ll put him above our family. But it all changes when you actually have to do it. When you actually have to tell your family on the phone that even though you want to be with them during this time of grieving, you have to stay put on the other side of the world. Don’t get me wrong, my family and community at home have been so incredibly supportive of my missions here. But the enemy still found ways to plant guilt and helplessness in my heart for deciding to stay.
I know you’re all waiting for that ‘come to church’ moment when I drop some revelation or intervention from god, but that’s not the case today. Even though I think that I’m desperate for answers from Him right now, that doesn’t always line up with his timeline. I do have faith that everything I need will be revealed when I need it, but He says that’s not now. So I’m just waiting, and taking it day by day. Putting the whole ‘walk by faith, not by sight’ verse that we all swore we would live by to a whole new level.
I know you probably saw this blog notification in your inbox and clicked on it, excited to see the mighty ways our Lord is working, then grew disappointed when instead you read the progress the enemy has made. But I still see this as a victory for God. I can’t help but think that the fact the enemy has to try so hard to get me home or distract my attention just means that the Lord must be up to something really great.
We all know it’s not always rainbows and butterflies, so I thought I owed it to y’all to be real and raw. But don’t leave discouraged, because I’m still here in Asia and our God is still winning! This is a real life example of the enemy trying to use death to defeat Christ, but He continues to walk away from the grave unaffected, so I will too.
with love, jordan
