“He held my hand and He showed me an ocean. He wanted me to get in, but He was waiting for my ‘yes’. I was anxious because of the list of things I had to do that evening, but the water was calm and it contained colors that I had never before seen. It was my first time seeing anything like it. I thought I had seen beautiful waters until this moment. My legs were restless. I wanted to go back and get everything done, but something was telling me to stay still.
“You have a lot on your plate and you think that you have to do all of this on your own, but I’m the type of Father that provides for you. I’m the One who has gotten you this far.. Don’t you see that? Don’t you trust that I’ll take care of everything you’re worried about? I’m bigger than this ocean, you know. I’m bigger than the stars above us and the sun that’s about to set. You don’t know enough about who I am yet. You’ve been too fearful of the waters to see me rightly. One day, you’ll fully understand. But you’ve barely scratched the surface.”, He said.
I looked back at the ocean. It seemed so vast. It would take a lifetime to learn everything about it. But I had been in it enough times to know what it was like. Just like I thought I had understood the waters, I thought I understood God. But if I actually did, would I still be doubting His provision?
He told me that it was time to dive in and trust that the waves wouldn’t overtake me. That He would take care of me and that He wouldn’t have led me to this ocean if it would harm me.
It was time to learn learn to let go and trust in who He says He is.“
I’m going to be honest. Being an ENFP, I’m the type of person that will overanalyze anything and everything you place in front of me. The way my brain processes things causes me to read in-between the lines and try to piece everything together like a puzzle. I play chess with ideas and possibilities. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it can cause me to sometimes worry about things that may not even exist.
Going on the World Race has been something that requires a lot of trust for me. There are so many “What-ifs!” and “Hows?” that I frequently ask God.
Through it all, He responds by saying, “You didn’t call yourself to this. I called you to this and you should know that I’m going to follow through with the promises I’ve made. Do you trust me enough to jump in these waters and not worry about sinking? Do you believe in me enough to have confidence in my ability to carry you?”
I’ve really had to evaluate myself. Do I trust Him that much? How often am I saying, “I trust You, God.” but am still holding to my life rafts by trying to do everything on my own? By worrying about things as small as time and finances?
He tells me not to be anxious, so what is causing me to disobey this simple command to not be afraid?
The other night, I was listening to a song by United Pursuit. Since then, it’s been my anthem of prayer. Here are some of the lyrics:
Help me let You go
Help me give up control
Of the god I’ve made you
When my fear has contained you
When the way is unclear and the answers illusive
He is different by far than our broken conclusions
You are not the god my pain has conceived
You are deeper and stronger than my eyes can see
You are with us now
You have always been
When we’re found without
You’re found within
I had heard this song a million times, but that was my “Aha!” moment.
I realized that I was having troubles letting go of that raft because I had allowed fear to get in the way of how I viewed God. I wasn’t giving up control and was still trying to do most of it on my own. I was only looking at what I could see in the moment. We often do this and it causes us to have a false view of God. We take our fears and allow them to tell us things about God that are untrue- like the lie that He wants us to figure things out on our own.
A favorite author of mine once said that everything was rooted out either one of these two things: Love or fear.
We base the decisions that we make off of one or the other. I believe that if you’re not acting out of love, it’s really just because you’re afraid of something. Maybe it’s the fear of rejection or the fear of what will happen when people see your walls let down. Maybe it’s the fear of letting go of someone and loving a God that you’ve never seen with your own eyes. I honestly don’t know. But I know that God doesn’t intend for us to do this. He asks that we do ALL things out of love. It doesn’t matter how we feel, because we are called to love and love and love. We are called to trust, to forgive, to be hopeful, to have faith in what we cannot see. God says that we haven’t been given a spirit of fear, so why do we wrap it around us like blankets of protection?
We allow our fears to contain God and place false masks on Him. Our fears tell us that He really asks for more than a mustard seed of faith from us and that our prayers aren’t big enough to be heard. Our fears draw out false illustrations of Him and distorts the words that He places in our hearts. Fear tells us that we have to have it all figured out and follow a certain path, or else we’ll never reach our destination. Fear tells us that we are on our own. Fear is a liar.
So how can we replace our fears with love?
Let go of who we THINK He is. It’s time for us to shift out of our cultural boxes and to set aside the Westernized God that we all think we know so well. We need to pray that He opens our hearts and minds to see things the way HE sees them. We need to erase the picture of Him that we’ve created in our minds and ask Him to be the artist.
Read His Word! The Bible is a love letter given to us from God. It’s nothing impersonal or exclusive, but it’s written specifically for each and every one of us. That’s where we can learn so much about who He is and what He is saying! And dig deep. Actually read the context of each passage and look into the Hebrew meanings of the words you’re reading! It’s a brilliant language and the same word can have completely different depths, meaning, and history to it.
Pray to Him. Sit with Him and ask Him to show you more about Him. Be patient and seek Him, wholeheartedly, until you hear Him. A lot of the times, we think we can’t hear Him- but He has a still, small voice that is always present.
Worship Him. This doesn’t mean you have to sit and sing songs, if you don’t mean it.. Worship Him through the things that mean most to you! He has given you gifts and talents for a reason. He wants you to be creative in the ways that you worship Him. That can mean anything: singing, dancing, writing, painting, etc..
So this is my prayer.
To love God enough to trust that He is who He says He is and not doubt that for a second To trust in Him when He says that He only needs one mustard seed of faith from me. Not two or three.. To let go of this false idea that God isn’t going to provide or lead me where I need to be. To give up control and be thankful for what I cannot see. My prayer is that He takes any fear I carry and replace it with love. That I can trust in the promise that I won’t sink, but I’ll swim in those waters with joy- and with HIM. The fact that I’m human means that I will probably always be learning this- and that’s okay. It’s beautiful, even, because it means that He will always be the One that I need to press into. This is my prayer on repeat. “Help me let You go. Help me give up control of the god I’ve made you when my fear has contained you.”
Let me tell you that God is ready to take us to that ocean and teach us how to swim. It’s time for us to throw away the life rafts that we brought along and trust the One who created us. He is greater than that ocean and He’s greater than whatever we could ever be afraid of. It’s time to let go of the god that fear tells us He is and learn His character. He is the sweetest love we could ever have. He is so pure and so whole. He is gentle and His hand will forever be there to hold. I am so thankful for Him and all that He does for us, even when we don’t deserve it.
He is so good to us.
